The Return of Sherlock James
by GaDS2000
Summary: Someone at Lindbergh Elementary has taken to stealing. Can Jimmy identify the mystery thief...before it's too late?
1. Golden Opportunity

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 1:

"Whatcha doing there, Jimmy?"

Jimmy Neutron gave a non-committal grunt in reply but otherwise kept his attention focused on the small device in one hand and the tiny tool he was manipulating with the other. From time to time he muttered something under his breath which, although not quite audible, clearly showed his dissatisfaction with the results of his efforts. Carl Wheezer waited patiently, certain from long experience that his best friend would eventually surface and acknowledge his presence. He was not mistaken. After another minute or two of frustrating effort Jimmy finally gave up and tossed his head back, flipping the set of high-powered stereoscopic loupes up from his eyes. "Stupid government surplus parts," he spat in disgust. "You'd think that for $1.99 you'd get a set of matched phase discriminators that could confine the probability of the electron tunneling to within 100 angstroms."

"Yeah," Carl agreed. "I think that my mom says the same thing whenever she buys my pants."

Jimmy considered that and decided not to pursue it. "What was it that you were asking me?"

"Oh. I was just wondering what you were doing. I mean, recess is almost over and you spent the whole time working on your whatchamacallit instead of playing."

"It would probably have been better if I had been playing," Jimmy sighed. "I was just trying to improve my hypno-beam."

"You mean so it doesn't make people think it's your birthday every day like it did before?" Carl asked.

Jimmy shook his head. "Not exactly. With my old hypno-beam, someone has to be looking at it to accept the hypnotic suggestion. I figured that by using the circuit from my encephalo-synthesizer I could lock into the brain wave patterns of someone and implant the suggestion even if they weren't looking."

Carl looked worried. "That sounds kind of sneaky."

"I suppose," Jimmy admitted. "In a way it might be. But this way it could work in the dark, or if someone had their eyes closed, or was looking the other way. It would be a huge improvement."

"Yeah, but Jimmy, the last time you messed with people's brain waves you let a bunch of monsters loose from that haunted house exhibit."

"Just minor setback," Jimmy assured his friend. "I'm almost positive that couldn't happen again." He thought about it a few seconds more. "Almost positive I'm almost positive."

"And besides, it sounds unmusical," Carl went on.

"You mean 'unethical'," Jimmy said. "And it does not sound unethical."

"What sounds unethical?" asked Libby, who had walked up with her friend Cindy.

Jimmy snorted. "Nothing. There is nothing unethical with what I'm working on."

Cindy folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly would that be? Something to go with your dopey fashion eyewear? I mean, I've heard of beer goggles, but what are those things you're wearing? Bore goggles?"

Jimmy whipped the set of loupes off his head but his biting retort was cut off when Carl spoke up first. "Jimmy's working on something that will hypnotize people even when they aren't looking. He's going to use their brain waves to do it, instead."

Libby snorted in disgust. "Sounds pretty unethical to me. I mean, hypnotizing people when they aren't even aware of it, Jimmy?"

"Hey!" Jimmy protested. "It has some valid and perfectly ethical uses. Disciplining unruly children, rehabilitating hardened criminals, helping people overcome annoying habits -"

"-brainwashing innocent people, promoting mass mind control," Cindy finished. "Honestly, Neutron, I can't believe how short-sighted you can be sometimes. What if some unscrupulous person like Professor Calamitous or Doctor Drakken got hold of that thing?"

"And even if they didn't," Libby put in, "there can't be anyone whose habits are so annoying that you'd have to –"

She was interrupted by the abrupt arrival of Sheen. "Hey, guys!" he panted, out of breath from running. "Guess what I brought for Show and Tell today! No, forget it, you'll never guess," he went on without giving them a chance to reply. He pulled a plastic figure from a sack. "It's my latest Ultra Lord action figure with complete nuclear weapons accessory pack! And I get to tell about each and every one of them!"

"Then again," Libby corrected herself, "maybe that thing of yours could come in handy from time to time." She stretched out a groping hand. "You mind if I give it a try?"

Jimmy kept the device out of Libby's reach and shook his head. "No. It's still not ready yet. And if advancing the cause of science is unethical," he continued defensively as he dropped the small gadget into his pocket, "then I say that there's nothing wrong with being unethical."

Cindy rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Nerd-tron's First Law of Motion: 'A geek in motion remains in motion until his stupid invention backfires on him.'" At that moment the bell announcing the end of recess rang and she headed back to the classroom, followed by the others. "I guess it's good for us that your dumb inventions backfire so soon. If they didn't there's no telling what damage you'd do before you were stopped."

Jimmy growled between his teeth but said nothing. He had been planning to demonstrate his new hypno-caster, as he called it, for Show and Tell and was too pre-occupied with finding a suitable alternate plan to retort. Fortunately for him Miss Fowl chose to call on students in alphabetic order that day, so that he had almost fifteen minutes to prepare for his demonstration. Equally fortunately, his backpack was filled with various odds and ends that, although fairly ordinary to him, were unlike anything the rest of the class had seen. By the time his turn came, he had come up with something that he was certain would impress the rest of the class.

"I'm sure that you all know that there are over a hundred distinct elements," he began, with his hands behind his back, "and that each of them has a unique set of properties, such as density, conductivity, radioactivity, triple point, melting point, boiling point…"

"Get-to-the-point," Cindy deadpanned, eliciting scattered laughter from the other students.

"Yes. Well," Jimmy went on stiffly, "the point is that these properties make some elements very desirable. Elements like copper…silver…" He brought one hand out from behind his back and held it out to reveal a lump of gleaming yellow in his palm. "And, of course, gold."

Libby leaned forward, intrigued. "Is that really gold, Neutron?"

Jimmy smiled and shook his head. "Not really. It's actually something I call quasi-gold. It has all the physical and measurable properties of gold and is all but indistinguishable from it, but it's not. This quasi-gold is created by influencing the spins of the sub-nucleonic particles to mimic the properties of gold. You'd actually need a fairly large particle accelerator to tell that it isn't really gold." He crossed to the front desk on one side of the classroom and handed the nugget of quasi-gold to Shandra, who was sitting there. "Pass this around so everyone can see it, will you?" he asked her and then returned to the front of the room.

"Jimmy?" Carl asked, raising his hand. "Is quasi-gold the only thing you can make?"

"Oh no," Jimmy assured him. "I can make virtually any element – just so long as there's no radioactive decay involved. As soon as the quasi-element emits a particle the subatomic fields destabilize and the quasi-element reverts to the original substance." He frowned. "I'm still working on that. I think I should be able to correct that problem by aligning the crystal lattice properly to provide some structural redundancy."

"What do you use to make the quasi-elements?" asked Cindy, who was inspecting the piece of quasi-gold and intrigued in spite of herself.

"Well, virtually anything, as long as the atomic weight is within 10 or so of the target element and the substance is fairly pure." Jimmy pulled out his other hand from behind his back to display what looked like a remote control with a barbecue fork on it. "This is the transmutor that changes the original substance into a quasi-element. Would you all like to see a demonstration?" This was met with universal and enthusiastic agreement and Jimmy nodded. "I thought so. Gather round and I'll show you how it works."

The other students crowded around, craning their necks to get a better look. Even Miss Fowl looked on with interest as Jimmy set a piece of dull grey metal. "This is a lump of lead," he explained, "and it's very similar to gold in a lot of ways. Both are soft, dense metals. The ancient alchemists even attempted to find the Philosopher's Stone that would change lead to gold. They failed, but with a little scientific know-how…" He depressed a button on the transmutor and a reddish glow emanated from the tines, bathing the metal. After a second the glow faded and the students gasped. In place of the dull grey lead was not a lump of shiny yellow metal. "Voila!"

"That's amazing," said Sheen.

"Yes," agreed Jimmy. "But watch what happens when I give it a light dose of radiation." He aimed his wrist-comp and depressed a button, firing a thin beam at the golden substance. After a few seconds the golden gleam and color faded, leaving the original lump of dull gray metal in place of the quasi-gold. "As you can see, the special frequency of my laser interacted with the quasi-gold, causing it to spontaneously emit a high-energy particle and revert back to plain old lead."

"Just how long would it stay as quasi-gold without artificially irradiating it?" asked Cindy.

Jimmy shrugged. "That's actually a statistical thing, like radioactive decay, but I'd estimate a 90 probability of it lasting about a century before it spontaneously reverted back to its original form. And that," he concluded, "is my Show and Tell for today."

He picked up the piece of lead and transmutor and headed back to his seat as the other students returned to their own desks. "Very nicely done, Jimmy," Miss Fowl complimented. "And with far less collateral damage than usual."

"Why, thank you, Miss Fowl," Jimmy replied. "Oh, before I forget – can I have that specimen I handed out back?" The other students looked at each other expectantly but no one said anything or produced the nugget of quasi-gold. "Well, someone must have it," Jimmy prodded.

Miss Fowl looked over the class. "Come on now, children," she clucked. "Whoever has it should return it. I think everyone has had a chance to see it by now."

There was no response and Jimmy looked annoyed. "Well, who had it last, then?" he demanded. There was no answer, as no one was willing to admit that they were the last to have handled it. "All right, then, he said. "I know that Cindy had it, but I don't recall seeing her pass it on to anyone else."

"I did so!" Cindy protested. "Are you saying that I actually stole something?"

Jimmy shook his head, not wanting to start a fight. "I'm not saying that. Maybe you thought you passed it on but it dropped under someone's desk or something instead."

"Look, Neutron," Cindy said tightly, "I know what I did. I didn't drop it and I didn't forget to pass it on. Wherever it is, someone else has it."

"Children! Children!" Miss Fowl called. "Let's not start a fight here. No one is accusing anyone of anything." She looked thoughtful and then brightened. "I know. Everyone, close your eyes and put your heads down on your desks for one minute and I'll do the same. While we're doing that, whoever has the nugget can bring it up and put it on my desk without anyone seeing them and with no questions asked."

The students looked doubtfully at each other but decided there was no other recourse. With a collective shrug everyone closed their eyes and put their heads down, straining their ears to detect the sound of anyone moving in the room and counting silently to themselves. After a minute or so everyone opened their eyes and raised their heads to see Miss Fowl sitting at her desk with a stunned expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" asked Sheen.

"Sweet Mother McCre-e-e!" Miss Fowl squawked. "While we weren't looking someone stole my gold pen from my desk!"

End of Chapter 1

Author's Note:

Just for the record, I have yet to see that "everyone put your head down and close your eyes" thing actually work.


	2. Resolution for a Solution

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 2:

Miss Fowl looked ready to cry. "I can't believe it!" she wailed. "I've had that pen for over five years. Principal Willoughby gave that to me for my – bra-a-awk - 25-year service award!" She covered her face with her hands and hunched over her desk, clucking unhappily. "I don't want to work here another twenty years to get another one!"

When she looked up again Carl raised his hand timidly. "I thought you said teaching was the greatest joy in your life and its own special reward," he ventured.

"No, Carl, that was rodeo riding," Sheen corrected him.

"Zip it!" Miss Fowl scowled. "All I know is that my pen has been stolen and on the pittance of a teacher's salary I get there's no way I'll be ever able to buy another one."

"Is that all?" Cindy rummaged in her backpack and pulled out a disposable ballpoint pen. "You can have one of mine, if you want."

Reluctantly Miss Fowl accepted the proffered pen and chewed on it experimentally. "It's just not the same," she sighed, "but I guess it will just have to do."

Jimmy looked puzzled. "I don't see what the problem is here. We don't we just search everyone and see who has my sample of quasi-gold and your pen? That's what I'd do."

"No, Jimmy," Miss Fowl replied. "That wouldn't be ethical. That would be a violation of student personal liberties, like student locker searches and capital punishment."

"Didn't you mean to say 'corporal punishment'?" Sheen gulped.

Miss Fowl sounded indifferent. "What's the difference?" She turned to the chalkboard and said, "Everyone get out a sheet of paper and copy down your class group assignment."

"Class group assignment?" Cindy repeated.

"Yes," said Miss Fowl, scrawling on the board as she spoke. "Your class group assignment is to find my pen. And until I get it back, that's going to be your assignment every day from now on! Maybe _I_ can't violate your civil rights, but I can try to get you to do that for me!"

At lunch later that day Sheen scratched his head. "Man, I couldn't believe how Miss Fowl was acting this morning. I've never seen anyone that possessive about anything."

Libby shrugged. "Wasn't your Ultra Lord figure right next to you, Sheen? Because I don't see it now."

At this Sheen looked about him in panic and snatched up the plastic toy from the bench beside him, sighing in blissful relief as he clutched it to him and Libby snickered. "Never joke about the bond between a man and his action figure, Libby." he scolded.

"In his own addle-pated way, Sheen actually has a point, though," Cindy said. "I mean, did you notice how Miss Fowl said that Pennsylvania was founded by Stolen Penn? She is like one flavor away from being a total fruit loop. Still, I guess I'd be pretty upset about losing something I'd had for years, even if it wasn't made of gold."

Carl looked thoughtful. "I wonder why someone waited until today to take it."

"That doesn't really matter," Jimmy answered. "What matters is that someone took it and my specimen of quasi-gold." He stood on the bench and pointed his finger into the air. "And with a mystery like this, there is only solution. I must once again resort to the methods of the world's greatest detective!"

"You mean Omnipedia Beige?" asked Carl.

It took a second for this to sink in for Jimmy. "Who?"

"Omnipedia Beige, Boy Detective," Carl replied as he reached into his lunch bag. "And it just so happens that I conveniently have a copy of one of his books right here."

"Yeah, Jimmy," added Sheen. "He's actually a pretty interesting character. Nearly everyone reads it. You should get with the times."

Jimmy took the paperback Carl was holding and sat back down to examine it. "Omnipedia Beige," he muttered. "And who exactly is this pulp fiction character?"

"Well," said Carl, "he's ten years old and really smart and solves crimes for twenty-five cents and has a pretty partner named Shirley Trumbull. You read the stories in the book, find the clues, and solve the mystery with him."

Jimmy scoffed but read the first case in the book.

_THE CASE OF THE CARNIVAL CONFLAGRATION_

"_Thank you for coming at such an hour," said Mr. Blarney, the owner of the Blarney Brothers Circus, as Omnipedia and his father stamped snow from their boots. "I apologize for getting you out in this weather, but if there really is a firebug about I thought it best to notify you."_

_"No problem," Police Chief Beige replied. "Can you tell me what happened?"_

_Omnipedia said nothing. He was staring at the other man in the circus railroad car who was seated at the small dining table and taking sips of brown liquid from a bottle._

_"It was actually McDuff here who told me," Mr. Blarney replied. "Perhaps he should tell you."_

_Omnipedia's father turned to the other man. "Mr. McDuff?"_

_"Sure and I'll be telling you," the little man answered in a thick brogue as he slipped the bottle into his jacket's side pocket. "A fortunate thing it was that I escaped with me life, and the others, too. The little people themselves must have been watching over us, and no lie._

_"We'd had a big crowd for this evening performance and I was all done in, so after feeding the animals after the show I turned in and feel asleep as soon as me head touched the pillow, I did. It was about an hour ago, just after midnight, and I was sound asleep in me cot when there came a terrible noise. The giraffes in their cages next to me tent were screaming to wake the dead, and woke me sure enough from a sound slumber. Realizing that something was wrong, I pulled on me Wellies and -"_

_"One moment," interrupted Chief Beige. "Did anyone else hear this racket?"_

_"No, me tent is on the other side of the camp from everyone else, and sound sleepers they are, begorrah."_

_"McDuff is custodian of our animals," Mr. Blarney explained. "His quarters are there to make it easier to deal with any emergencies that may arise."_

_Chief Beige nodded. "Please continue."_

_"Well, as I was saying," McDuff went on, "I pulled on me Wellies and raced out. Sure enough, the giraffes were going crazy with fear. It seems that, with their long necks, they had spotted something that frighted them something awful before any of the other animals knew what was what. A second later I sniffed the smoke and knew what the problem was. The feed haystack was on fire!_

_"Well, I knew I had to act and act quickly, so off I went. Fairly flying, I was, too. The smoke was getting thicker and I was afeared for all the animals' safety, so I loosed them from their cages and let them get to safety. I then roused the others and together we managed to douse the flames. A near thing it was. A few more minutes and the whole circus could have gone up in flames, saints preserve us."_

_"Did you see anyone suspicious around here this evening?" Chief Beige asked._

_"There was a shabbily dressed man lounging about the place earlier," Mr. Blarney answered. "He asked me for a job but I had to turn him down. He gave me a dirty look when he walked off."_

_Omnipedia's father nodded grimly. "It's possible he wanted revenge and that he's our suspect. Give me some details on his description and I'll put out an APB. Then I'll contact the police force so that they can help you and your people round up the animals."_

_Mr. Blarney began to describe the shabby man when Omnipedia interrupted him. "Don't waste your time," he advised, as he watched the melting snow drip from McDuff's rubber boots. "We already have the prime suspect."_

_WHAT DID OMNIPEDIA MEAN?_

Jimmy scoffed. "Carl, this is ridiculous!"

"I know," agreed Carl. "I wasn't able to figure it out either."

"That's not what I'm taking about. Aside from the obvious answer to this so-called mystery, this story has more holes than a miniature golf course. First of all, who makes someone with an obviously Scottish name like McDuff a stereotyped Irish character who swills whisky, believes in leprechauns, and says, 'Begorrah'? Second, why would a circus be out giving performances where it's snowing instead of wintering somewhere like Florida? Third, why would a police chief be so calm about someone letting loose a bunch of wild animals in the middle of the night? And finally, what kind of father would drag his ten-year-old son along to a crime scene at 1:00 AM in the morning?"

"Well, actually, Omnipedia's dad isn't really very good at his job," Sheen confessed.

"Then I guess he has something in common with the author," Jimmy opined, reading the cover. "G. D. Snyder. Never heard of him." He tossed the book back to Carl, returned it to his lunch bag.

"Well, you certainly sucked all the fun out of that," Cindy observed.

"He sure did," agreed Carl. "And he was the one who brought up being a boy detective."

"I did not!" Jimmy protested. "I only said that I should employ the methods of the world's greatest detective to get to the bottom of all this. And by that, I mean the classic Victorian detective Sherlock Holmes, not some juvenile wannabe like Encyclopedia Brown."

"Omnipedia Beige," Sheen corrected him.

"Whatever. The point is that we should carefully collect the facts and then rigorously apply logic to arrive at an incontrovertible solution." He looked around. "Who's with me on this?"

Sheen fidgeted uneasily. "Actually, I'm not very good at collecting facts. Collecting action figures is more my style," he said.

Carl nodded in agreement. "And I'm pretty busy still trying to solve the cases in this book," he added.

"If you're going to wear that dorky outfit again, you can count me out," said Cindy.

"And personally, I'd love to help, but…umm…" Libby's voice trailed off and she tried to think of a way to complete her sentence before she finally just shrugged. "But I don't want to," she concluded lamely.

"Fine!" Jimmy snorted. "Be that way. But let criminals and evil-doers beware. Jimmy Neutron is on the case!"

"Well, you've certainly been getting on mine long enough," muttered Cindy under her breath.

End of Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Encyclopedia Brown was one of the book series that fascinated me when I was young. The idea of kids being smarter than adults was very appealing to me, as well as his willingness to partner with a girl who, while pretty, could beat the tar out of guys easily twice her size. In many ways, he reminds me of Jimmy, or vice-versa. At the time it struck me as odd that pre-teen boys and girls could or would be friends, but as I got older I realized that's probably the _only_ age that males and females could just be good friends…as "When Harry Met Sally" seemed to show.


	3. The Game Is Afoot

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 3:

After lunch Jimmy's thoughts were not really on class. He was going over the facts of the situation and trying to sort out what information was significant, what was irrelevant, and what was simply coincidental. With only two objects missing and almost thirty possible suspects he quickly decided that he would need to collect more information before he could draw any definite conclusions. It disturbed him to think that anyone in his class could be a potential thief, and the possibility that it might actually be one of his friends distressed him even more. While Sherlock Holmes might not have concurred with Jimmy's logic, he decided that investigating his friends first would be the best course of action. Jimmy was certain – almost certain – that they were innocent, but knowing that for sure would remove a great weight from his mind.

The only problem confronting him was the fact that there were four of them and only one of him. It would be impossible for him to keep an eye Carl, Cindy, Libby, and Sheen simultaneously. Cindy was the last person that he observed examining his specimen of quasi-gold, and he decided that she was the most logical choice to investigate first. When the bell rang, dismissing the class, Jimmy moved to follow her from a discreet distance but was intercepted by Carl.

"What is it, Carl?" Jimmy asked impatiently, trying to keep an eye on Cindy as she headed to the door.

"Umm…about that story with the fire and the giraffes…" Carl began hesitantly.

"What about it?"

Carl opened his Omnipedia Beige book and studied it closely. "Could you give me a hint about who did it? I mean, was it something about the snow on Mr. McDuff's boots?"

Cindy was almost out of the room, and in desperation Jimmy fired the low-level laser from his wrist-comp to harmlessly irradiate her just as she exited. It would not last long and would not tell him what she was doing, but it would allow him to find her again once he had managed to shake Carl. "Carl, this is really not a good time. I've got a real-life mystery to solve, remember?"

Sheen chose that moment to join in. "What's the big deal with helping Carl, Jimmy?" He gave Jimmy a searching look. "Or is it possible that you don't know the answer yourself?" His attention was diverted by Libby, who was passing by. "Hey, Libs. Care to join me at the Candy Bar for a sundae built for two?"

"Thanks," Libby replied, "but I'm meeting Cindy at the mall to do some shopping. Maybe some other time." She gave an indifferent wave as she move off.

"Please, Jimmy?" Carl wheedled.

Jimmy didn't answer immediately. It was actually good news to know where Cindy and Libby were going and that they would be together, because it would let him observe both of them at the same time and could greatly simplify his investigation. "Okay, Carl," he conceded. "The hint is that the giraffes couldn't have woken McDuff with their screams." He dashed off, calling back, "Gotta blast!"

Carl nodded in vague comprehension. "Oh, I get it. McDuff must have been wearing with those earplug things when he was sleeping." He studied the book again. "That's funny. You think the author would have mentioned that in the story."

"Well, you know those writers," Sheen reassured Carl. "They can't remember to put everything in. Heck, half of the questions Miss Fowl asks about reading assignments aren't even in the stories. It's something called…" He made quote marks in the air. "…interpreting the story."

"Oh, right," Carl said. "I guess Omnipedia would have to interpret Mr. McDuff since he's from Scotland. Or did Jimmy say he was from Ireland? " A thought struck him. "No, wait a minute. The giraffes couldn't wake Mr. McDuff because they didn't speak any Scottish or Irish. That meant someone else had to put out the fire. But who?"

Sheen shrugged. "Maybe it was the guy in the shabby clothes," he suggested. "No, wait! If Mr. McDuff couldn't speak English, then how did he tell the others about the fire and tell his story to Police Chief Brown?"

Carl looked surprised. "Oh, was that English? It didn't sound like it. What does 'begorrah' mean, anyway?"

Sheen pondered that before replying. "Maybe that's what people in Scotland call that stuff in their noses."

Jimmy, to his good fortune, was well out of earshot of this exchange between Carl and Sheen. He was using the tracking feature of his wrist-comp to monitor Cindy's movements, and as Libby had suggested they – or at least Cindy – seemed to be headed towards the Retroville Mall. Jimmy hurried along while maintaining a careful distance, and used the telltale dot on the tiny screen to time his arrival just in time to see Libby and Cindy entering the mall together. When he had given them time to move away from the entrance, he entered as well and mingled with the crowd of after-school mall-hoppers to continue his surveillance.

Jimmy had never bothered to analyze the shopping habits of pre-teen girls, although he assumed that it centered mostly on clothes, make-up, music, jewelry, and unicorns. With the possible exception of unicorns a number of the mall stores and outlets featured merchandise along these lines and Jimmy expected the girls to spend quite some time window-shopping. To his surprise they headed directly to an upscale jewelry store, ignoring several fashion stores along the way. His curiosity piqued, he took a roundabout route to the store and lounged outside the entrance, hoping to overhear something of interest. The store was not very crowded and he could faintly make out Cindy's and Libby's voices. Even so, Jimmy wished that he had an audio amplification unit with him. From the snatches of conversation he could hear, it appeared that they were examining something.

"What do you think, Libs?"

"It's not bad. You say that it's 14-karat?"

"Yes, ma'am." The third voice was that of a young man and must have been that of the store clerk waiting on Cindy and Libby. "It's really an excellent value for $50.00, if I may say so. Usually it's $75.00, but we've discounted it until Saturday."

Cindy's voice was wavering. "Well...it's nice, but…I don't know…" Jimmy had heard that tone of voice before and could tell from personal experience that Cindy was maneuvering for a better deal rather than undecided about the purchase. The sales clerk took the bait.

"You know, I usually don't do this, but…" The clerk paused as though checking to see if anyone was eavesdropping. "But for two lovely young ladies with such impeccable taste, I think that I'll take a chance." Jimmy heard Cindy and Libby giggling and he felt like retching. "Usually we charge twenty-five cents a letter for engraving, but purchase this for $50.00 and I'll forget my commission and include the engraving at no additional charge."

"Well…that is tempting…" That was Cindy again, but Jimmy could tell that she was now flirting by playing coy rather than bargaining. His face grew warm and he seethed as a warmly inviting tone came into Cindy's voice. "I don't suppose you could hold it for us until tomorrow, could you? I'll have the money by then."

"For you, anything," the clerk assured them. Or maybe the remark was just directed towards Cindy. A quick glance through the transparent display window showed Jimmy that the clerk, a personable young college-aged man, was holding one of Cindy's hands with both of his and that Cindy was smiling up at the clerk with half-closed eyes.

Jimmy realized that he was in danger of breaking a tooth and quickly unclenched his jaw. He was investigating two possible thefts and he knew that he had to remain impartially objective. _ If she wants to make a spectacle of herself over some bauble_, he told himself, _then let her_. He regained control of his emotions just in time to turn away as Cindy and Libby re-emerged from the jewelry store.

"Such as nice guy," Cindy remarked as they walked away. "It's too bad guys have to be that old before they know how to treat a lady."

"Nice guy? Girl, he's a world-class hottie," Libby replied. "You don't suppose he'd be willing to wait for six or seven years before settling down, do you?"

Their voices faded and Jimmy decided to first find out what he could from the sales clerk rather than immediately following the two girls. He was fairly sure that Libby and Cindy would be staying together for a while, and he could monitor Cindy's location with his wrist-comp. He entered the store and quickly spotted the young man who had waited on the two girls. The clerk looked up as Jimmy approached and smiled pleasantly. "Yes, sir. May I help you?"

"Yes, um…" Jimmy read the clerk's badge. "Rafael, if that is your real name. I was trying to find a gift for someone. Something 14-karat, in the $50.00 range, and preferably marked down from $75.00."

Rafael smiled. "Well, we have any number of items that would fit that description. If I knew something about the recipient I could perhaps narrow it down somewhat. Is it for a family member? A friend? Or perhaps a girlfriend? You must be a terror with the ladies."

Jimmy thought about Cindy's and Libby's reactions to some of his experiments and decided that wasn't really what the clerk meant. "I wouldn't exactly say that," Jimmy fumbled. "Umm…I happen to know those two girls who just left. Maybe what they were shopping for would be appropriate. What was it they were shopping for?"

The clerk gave another smile and nodded. "Oh, yes. Very attractive young ladies, I must confess."

"Very," Jimmy grunted, his teeth clenched.

"Unfortunately, all our customer transactions are confidential, and this was supposed to be a surprise as well, so I'm not at liberty to reveal any details. Since they are acquaintances of yours, you could speak with them directly."

Jimmy nodded, stumped. "I guess so," he said. "Many thanks."

"Any time, sir, any time. Please, take my card and feel free to stop by at any time."

Rafael bowed and smilingly proferred a gilt-edge business card to Jimmy, who pocketed the card and exited with a mumbled reply. Outside the store he consulted his wrist-comp and saw that the dot representing Cindy was on its way back to Cindy's house. Apparently the trip to the jewelry store was the only purpose for Cindy and Libby's visit to the mall visit. But the investigation had thus far answered nothing, and only raised some additional questions. Why had they come to the jewelry store? What were they planning to purchase, and why?

And, most disturbing to Jimmy, how was it that Cindy would have $50.00 for the purchase tomorrow?

End of Chapter 3


	4. Man's Best Friend

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 4:

After returning home Jimmy spent most of that evening pacing back and forth in his room, trying to sort things out. "I don't get it, Goddard," he told his mechanical canine. "I can't believe that Cindy would do anything illegal. What she was buying in that store was probably totally innocent. If it weren't it wouldn't make any sense for her to have Libby along as a witness. But where would she get the money? If she has the money, why wait until tomorrow? And if she doesn't, why would she be so sure she'll have it tomorrow? Unless…"

He stopped pacing and threw himself onto his bed to stare at the mobile of the solar system hanging from the ceiling. "As I see it, there are only four possibilities, Goddard. The first is that she actually has the money but didn't happen to have it with her. If that's true, it means she decided to go to the store at the last minute. That means that something unexpected must have come up, but a jewelry store seems an odd place to visit, if that's the case. Okay, let's shelve that idea for now and come back to it later.

"The second possibility is that she knows that she's going be coming into some money tomorrow…somehow." He frowned. "Tomorrow is Wednesday, so I doubt it would be from a part-time job. They usually pay on Friday. And it's not her birthday -" He stopped and looked over at Goddard. "It isn't, is it?" Goddard shook his head and Jimmy dropped back with a sigh of relief. "Okay, it's not her birthday so it can't be a gift…even assuming that she'd know ahead of time how much she'd get. She's too young for the lottery and she doesn't have anything to sell…"

His voice trailed off as he considered it before going on somewhat tentatively, "…that I know about. If she does, she must have gotten it pretty recently. Something…valuable." He shook his head, not quite able to accept the implication of his line of reasoning. "All right, that's far enough with that for now. Let's look at the other possibilities.

"The third possibility is that she wanted to have some excuse for going back to the store tomorrow. It sounded like Cindy was going back alone tomorrow. Maybe she just wants to see _Rafael_ again." Jimmy said the name with undisguised disgust. "Or it's possible she didn't want Libby along for some other reason. What could that be? Libby was there and knows what Cindy is going to buy." Jimmy thought about it. "Or does she? Maybe whatever Libby saw isn't really what Cindy is really going to buy. That's definitely worth checking out. I think I'd better keep an eye on Miss Vortex tomorrow when she goes back to that store."

Goddard barked and Jimmy looked over at him. Goddard had opened his chest plate to reveal his video screen on which was displayed a large, lace-trimmed heart with an arrow through it. Jimmy scowled at this.

"Knock it off, Goddard," he scolded. "The only reason I'm even thinking about following her is to make sure she isn't planning to do anything romantic. I mean, 'wrong'. 'Wrong'," he corrected himself immediately. "Make sure she isn't planning to do anything _wrong_. Okay, on to the fourth possibility," he rushed on, anxious to change the subject.

"The fourth possibility," he said, "is that she never intended to buy anything in the first place and was just making it look as though she would be. But why would she do that? Why go into a jewelry store and say you'll buy something if you aren't going to do it? Especially with a potential witness, if you were up to something wrong? You'd only do that because you had to be there…or because you were after something else all along."

Goddard barked again and Jimmy glared at the video screen, which now displayed:

CINDY + RAFAEL

TRU LUV 4EVER

"Oh, clam up!" Jimmy snapped. "I'm trying to be serious here. I mean, Rafael is almost as old as Beautiful Gorgeous. Why would Cindy be interested in some old geezer like that?"

In response Goddard's screen showed the following:

"A crafty old geezer named Earl

Was the heartthrob of every young girl

'Cause his lighthearted squeezing

Was always quite pleasing

And put all their heads in a whirl."

Jimmy stared in shock and indignation. "Goddard! What king of trash have you been downloading into your cognitive storage lately?" He stared at the robotic dog and his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you sure that your adult content firewalls are still in place?" There was no answer and Jimmy turned away muttering to himself in disgust, missing the word "PRUDE" that flashed on Goddard's screen as he did so. The chest plate closed over it just as Jimmy turned back again.

"Maybe I'm being paranoid, Goddard," he said, "but it seems that there's something potentially suspicious with every possibility. It's possible that none of them will lead to what I'm actually looking for, but since every postulate leads to a suspicious end I'm forced to conclude that all is not as it should be. Cindy is definitely up to something that doesn't seem quite right. But what? And how do I find out? Goddard! Options!"

Obediently Goddard revealed his video screen to display:

SODIUM PENTATHOL

Jimmy scoffed. "Truth serum? Doubt it. I got in enough trouble when I conditioned Mom and Dad not to lie to each other for a whole day. They didn't speak to each other for a whole week. Besides, I'm pretty sure that there are some things in Cindy's head that the world should never have to know." He shuddered at the thought. "Next."

Goddard's next screen read

HYPNO-BEAM

Jimmy shook his head. "Good idea, but it's not fully functioning right now. Next."

The next display showed

REMOTE POLYGRAPHIC ANALYSIS

Jimmy stroked his chin. "A telemetry-based lie detector?" he said. "That's a possibility. Your lie detector helped when I was trying to help Sheen find his Ultra Lord action figure." He winced and rubbed his cheek, vividly remembering Cindy's final reaction to his previous interrogation. "Maybe I shouldn't tell her what I'm doing, though. It would probably be safer all around."

Goddard whined unhappily.

"I know, I know," Jimmy replied. "It's not very ethical. But it's for a good reason. I'm trying to find out who took Mrs. Fowl's pen and my sample of quasi-gold. If I don't find out soon and stop them, then whoever did it might get into real trouble. They might be tempted to try stealing something really valuable, or they might even try something dangerous. I'm not happy about doing this, but if something bad happened to somebody I knew because I didn't do this, I'd never forgive myself."

Goddard still didn't seem convinced.

"Look, Goddard, we can argue about this all night and still not convince each other about whether I should do this or not. Philosophers have been doing this for centuries and still don't have a good answer about where the line should be drawn between right to privacy and right to know. Someone I know could be getting into real trouble. It might be someone I really care about. It might be Carl, or Sheen, or Libby." He paused. "It might even be Cindy. I can't just sit back and not know for sure." Goddard whimpered and looked up as Jimmy headed towards the door. Jimmy paused and looked back expectantly as he opened the door. "Coming?" he asked.

Slowly, as though he were a very old dog, Goddard shambled over to where Jimmy stood. From there they headed to Jimmy's lab, where Jimmy spent the next few hours scavenging parts from various earlier projects and putting them together into a new device. From time to time he surveyed his work in progress with a perfectionist's eye and finally was satisfied with the result. The contraption was not very imposing. To anyone but Jimmy it appeared to be nothing more than a portable audio player, albeit somewhat on the large size.

"Okay," Jimmy announced to no one in particular. "It's time to test it out." He activated the device, placed it on a worktable, and positioned himself several yards away from it. "Goddard! Give me some questions to answer, and let's see if it works."

Goddard shook his head.

"I know you don't think this is a good idea, boy, but I have to do it. Please?" Jimmy pleaded. "Just ask me some 'yes' and 'no' type of questions."

Goddard seemed to sigh and then obliged by opening his video screen again and displaying the question:

ARE YOU JEALOUS OF CINDY AND RAFAEL?

"Goddard!" Jimmy spluttered. "That's not a fair -" Before he could get any further Goddard displayed:

WERE YOU JEALOUS OF CINDY AND JACQUES?

"That's totally irrelevant!" Jimmy protested. "Jacques isn't even -" Once again Goddard interrupted before Jimmy could finish by displaying:

HAVE YOU STOPPED CRUSHING ON CINDY?

"Yes. I mean, no. That is…" Jimmy faltered and re-read the question several times before he finally decided that there was no good answer and shook his head in disgust. "All right, fine!" he hollered. "I'll use the telemetric polygraph tomorrow without testing it first!" He scooped up the device and shut it off, ignoring the mass of erratic lines running across the glowing reticuled display. "Man's best friend," he muttered as he left the lab with Goddard at his heels. "Sometimes I wish I'd never given you those autonomic logic synthesizers. If I wanted someone to sabotage my experiments I could invite Eustace Stritch over to do it." Goddard barked and Jimmy grunted. "No, I don't want you to invite him over. You're doing fine on your own."

End of Chapter 4

Author's Notes:

Probably the more boring parts of the stories I write are when I have Jimmy on his own, introspecting, but I think this is the only times I can let him be himself and show what sort of things go through his mind when no one else who can judge him is around. Jimmy takes the responsibilities of his intellect very seriously and tends to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders a bit too much, but if he didn't he'd probably be just another smart kid instead of Jimmy Neutron. I also don't have many opportunities to show Goddard's influence on Jimmy and how he tries (at times unsuccessfully) to keep Jimmy in line. In many ways he reminds me of a robotic Jiminy Cricket.


	5. The Unusual Suspects

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 5:

Jimmy's house was about two miles from Lindbergh Elementary, which gave him and the other kids in his neighborhood the option of walking or riding the bus to and from school. Jimmy considered taking the bus so that he'd have a chance to test out his telemetric polygraph but decided that he'd rather arrive early at school rather than wait for the bus. It would give him the chance to examine the school for clues without interference or interruption from any of the teachers or other students. He also decided, against the rules of the school, to take Goddard along. As well as providing Jimmy with whatever assistance he might need in his investigation, Goddard would get Jimmy to the school far more quickly than walking could.

At the school Jimmy carefully searched the ground and the thick bushes just outside Miss Fowl's classroom. He had considered the possibility that whoever had taken the quasi-gold and Miss Fowl's pen might have dropped it out the window to avoid discovery in case Miss Fowl had conducted a search of the students or their desks. Even if the thief had recovered the items immediately after class the day before, there might be something in the bushes or on the ground to provide a clue to the culprit's identity. With Goddard's help and scanning instruments he carefully combed the area, analyzing the ground and lawn and intently scrutinizing every object he found. After nearly an hour he had found suspicious and decided that whoever had taken Miss Fowl's pen and his sample had kept it with them in the classroom. _Unless_, he thought, _someone had been waiting outside to take it._

The possibility of an accomplice intrigued him. Thus far he had assumed only one person had perpetrated the crime, but it was possible that more than one person had been involved. It was even possible, he suddenly realized, that the two thefts were completely unrelated, and that the theft of Miss Fowl's pen had occurred when someone had recognized a perfect opportunity and had taken advantage of it. If so, the case was more complicated than Jimmy had first supposed.

"All right," Jimmy told himself, "let's concentrate on Miss Fowl's pen. No one heard anyone take Miss Fowl's pen. That means the thief either had a lot of practice moving noise, or didn't pass by anybody. Lets' see. Moving that quietly doesn't seem likely, which means that whoever took the pen was probably in the front row of the class. That would be Carl, Cindy, Libby, Shandra, and myself. Or…" Another possibility came to him. "Or it might be that the pen was never taken at all and Miss Fowl made the whole story up. She did say that she didn't have a lot of money. Maybe she was planning to sell it and was just using the first theft as an excuse to cover it all up." He frowned. "But if she was waiting for an opportunity to disguise take her own pen, it was extremely convenient timing for her."

"Hey, Jimmy. What are you and Goddard doing back here?" he heard Sheen say.

Jimmy looked up and was somewhat surprised to see Sheen and Carl approaching. A quick check of his wrist-comp showed that it was still nearly an hour before class started. "I'm just doing some research," he answered. "What are you two doing here so early?"

"Well, we couldn't wait," Carl said, barely able to control his excitement. "I solved the mystery!"

"You…_you_ solved the mystery?" Jimmy asked, unable to hide his surprise. After nearly a day Jimmy's investigation had uncovered virtually nothing and he stared as though his friend had told him that Carl had built his own nuclear reactor. "You?"

Sheen seemed just as surprised. "Yeah, Carl. What do you mean, _you_ solved the mystery?" he demanded. "You mean _we_ solved the mystery!"

"Okay, fine," Carl conceded. "We solved it last night and I couldn't wait to get to school and tell you."

Jimmy just stood there mutely, unable to fully accept what Carl and Sheen were telling him. At last he said, "Well, how did you solve it? What actually happened?"

"It was something you said that got us thinking," Carl beamed.

Sheen nodded. "Yep. Once we knew that giraffes couldn't have woken up McDuff by screaming the answer was pretty obvious."

"McDuff?" Jimmy repeated as the situation began to dawn on him.

"Yeah," Carl nodded. "We should have realized it right away, but once you told us it was pretty obvious that McDuff couldn't possibly understand what the giraffes were saying because he was from Ireland."

"Scotland," corrected Sheen.

Carl shrugged. "Well, one of those places. Anyway, since McDuff couldn't understand what they were saying, we figured that the only way he could have known about the fire was if the giraffes were using some king of sign language."

Jimmy just stared. "Sign language?" he asked. "I told you that the giraffes screaming couldn't have woken McDuff and your conclusion is that they used some kind of sign language to tell him about the fire?"

Sheen nodded vigorously. "Yeah! But it was midnight when they woke him up, so -"

"- so it would have been too dark for him to see what they were trying to say," Carl concluded triumphantly. "I mean, sign. That means that Omnipedia had to know that McDuff was lying."

"Case closed," Sheen crowed, bumping knuckles with Carl.

"Word that, homes" agreed Carl.

Jimmy buried his face in his hands while Goddard looked on in sympathy. When he finally re-emerged to face his friends, it took him several minutes to find his voice and even then it was dangerously strained. "Guys, that isn't the solution."

Carl and Sheen sounded amazed. "It isn't?" they asked together.

"No. It isn't," Jimmy reiterated, more firmly this time. "Sign language has nothing to do with it."

"Oh." Carl looked crestfallen, but tried again. "Well, then, how about Esperanto? Because if McDuff didn't understand Esperanto either, then -"

Jimmy sighed, trying to keep his voice even. "Carl, the story has nothing to do with sign language, or man-made universal languages, or talking giraffes, or llamas, or capybaras, or animals of any kind. The clue that solves the mystery is right there on the page. You just need to look a little harder."

"Look harder for what?" asked Libby, who had arrived at the very end of the conversation. As usual, Cindy was with her.

"Hey, Libs. Hey, Cindy," Sheen greeted the two girls. "You're here early."

"I thought I'd get in some aerobics in the gym before class," Libby replied. "Coach Grubner is usually here by now. I could use the exercise."

"Speak for yourself," Cindy grumbled with a yawn. "I don't see why you had to drag me along. I don't need any extra exercise."

Libby rolled her eyes. "Well, if the saddlebags fit…"

That brought Cindy wide awake and nearly to the boiling point. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you're getting a little flanky, is all." Libby shrugged. "No big…yet."

"Yeah, Cindy," Carl put in. "I mean, no offense, but it does look like you've been hitting the donuts in the cafeteria a little hard lately."

"Yeah? Well, donuts won't be the only thing I'll be hitting hard if you keep it up, so zip it!" Cindy snapped, shaking a fist under Carl's nose. Carl acquiesced without further comment.

"Look harder for what, Neutron?" Libby repeated.

Jimmy shrugged. "Oh, nothing really, Libby. Just for that one vital clue that will solve the mystery."

"Do you mean you were actually serious about all that detective stuff you were babbling about yesterday?" Cindy shook her head in disbelief. "Just forget about it, why don't you? I mean, Sherlock Holmes you are not. You aren't even Sheerluck Holmes, when you get down to it."

Jimmy hadn't been referring to the missing pen and quasi-gold but Cindy's blunt skepticism roused his stubborn streak. "Because I'm going to prove that no criminal is a match for the cold reason and uncompromising logic of scientific investigation," he retorted in annoyance. "I'll leave no stone unturned, no lead unfollowed, no suspect uninvestigated -"

"No audience awake," Cindy returned drily while Libby snickered.

"Scoff all you want." Jimmy glared at her for emphasis. "But just wait and see. Someone took Miss Fowl's pen and my sample of quasi-gold and I'm going to find out who, even if I have to investigate everybody that was in that classroom from now until graduation."

"Meaning us, too, I'll bet," Libby said coolly.

That startled Jimmy. "What?"

"Don't act so surprised." Libby fixed Jimmy with an icy stare. "You were following us yesterday after school, weren't you?"  
"Well, I…you and Cindy were…that is…" Jimmy stammered uncomfortably. He felt uneasy for two very good reasons. The first was because he had been spotted following Cindy and Libby despite his best efforts to remain inconspicuous. The second, and more important, reason was his knowing that Cindy and Libby couldn't help but take offense at being followed. "I didn't mean anything personal by it. I just wanted to see what you were up to, is all."

Libby nodded at Cindy. "I told you I saw him. I mean, it was that or Woody Woodpecker with a dye job."

Cindy regarded Jimmy coldly. "You mean you actually thought that one of us could have taken those things."

"Yes. No. I mean, yes, you _could_ have taken them, but no, I didn't really think you did. I just wanted to get more information, is all." The reasoning was as perfectly sound as it had been yesterday, but somehow sounded flat to him now. "I had to start somewhere, and the sooner I knew for sure it wasn't any of you the happier we'd all be."

"'Knew for sure'?" repeated Libby, sounding increasing hostile. "If you wanted to know for sure, why didn't you just ask us?"

"Wouldn't you have trusted us?" asked Sheen, who was also becoming offended.

"Of course I would have!" Jimmy protested. "But that's not how investigations work. We're friends, but I need to collect facts, not feelings!"

"Well, here's a fact about friends and feelings," Cindy told him. "It's a fact that I'm not feeling very friendly right now."

"Yeah, Jimmy," said Carl. "That's not very nice. I mean, I thought friends trusted friends."

"Well, I do. But…but…" Frustrated that he was unable to get his point across, Jimmy decided to go on the offensive. "Okay, look at it this way. I trust you all, but doesn't going to a fancy jewelry store and ordering some expensive merchandise on the very day some valuable items go missing look just a little strange? That's the kind of thing I wanted to clear up, for your own sakes if nothing else."

Cindy was unmoved. "And what if you couldn't clear it up? Would you still trust us?"

That hit home. As Jimmy pondered that point, Libby spoke up. "And I repeat: why didn't you just ask?"

Jimmy shrugged helplessly. "Okay, I'm asking now. Why did you go?"

Cindy brought her nose within an inch of Jimmy's and glowered at him. "Why? I'll tell you why, Mr. Big Brain Private Defective. Miss Fowl lost something very dear to her, so Libby suggested that perhaps we could get something to replace it and try to make her feel a little better. That's why."

"But…the money?" Jimmy's asked in a very small voice.

"We were planning to ask everyone to kick in a couple dollars," Libby answered. "We were going have it engraved and present it to her as a gift from the whole class."

"Oh," was all Jimmy could say.

"Yeah," Cindy said sarcastically. "I guess the only things that all your brilliant deductive reasoning can come up with are suspicious motives instead of possibly noble intentions. It really sounds like you trust us."

"Well, a premise of criminal investigation is to initially suspect no one, and yet suspect everyone," Jimmy argued weakly. "I guess I might have overdone it…a little." He sighed unhappily and tried to think of some way to rectify things. "Look, I'll tell you what. Since you're taking up a collection, I'll put in the first couple dollars. In fact, make it five."

"Forget it," Libby shot back as she and Cindy turned away. "We wouldn't want you to be a possible accessory to any potentially criminal activities." As they headed towards the gymnasium Jimmy heard her say, "Instead of aerobics, Cindy, want to punch the bag? I feel like hitting something right now. A lot."

"Sounds good to me," Cindy answered.

Jimmy watched them go, feeling miserable, and then turned to Carl and Sheen. "Guys…" he began.

"You know, Jimmy," Sheen said, "you were always the smartest guy I knew. I always wanted to be more like you. But if being smart means I have to start thinking that all my friends are thieves I think I'd rather stay dumb and be held back a few more times." He also turned and walked away, still talking to himself. "Well, maybe just a couple times. I want to take wood shop while Mr. Dremel is still teaching here…and I don't know how much longer I can take Miss Fowl writing depressing things on my homework…"

Carl only stared in sad silence at Jimmy, which was far worse to Jimmy than the all the offended anger the others had exhibited. "Go ahead and say it," Jimmy finally told him. "Whatever it is, I deserve it."

Carl simply shook his head and walked off in unhappy silence while Jimmy watched him go. When he was alone Jimmy dug the telemetric polygraph from his pocket, turned it on, and aimed it at himself. "James Isaac Neutron," he said slowly, "is the biggest jerk in the world." He then examined the smooth waveforms rolling across the screen and looked down at Goddard, who was looking up at him sympathetically. "What do you know, Goddard?" he smiled, even though his vision was strangely blurred and his voice sounded oddly hoarse. "It really does work, after all."

End of Chapter 5


	6. Trial and Errors

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 6:

As with all boys his age, Jimmy had long known that it was not easy being a kid. Through the years he had also learned that the responsibility of being a genius to boot only added to his personal problems. It didn't take long for him to decide that just fifteen minutes of being a pariah among his fellow classmates was worse than all his years of being a kid and a genius combined. When he had first begun attending Lindbergh Elementary he had faced the usual loneliness of being the new kid in school, and had later endured the low-key resentment that being the smartest kid in school invariably brought. But those had been the purely automatic and impersonal reactions of school children to an awkward stereotype. The cold hostility of the students in Miss Fowl's class was directed not towards some nameless stranger or smart kid, but specifically towards Jimmy Neutron. Knowing that made the situation all the more miserable for Jimmy. He hunkered down in his seat, trying his best to ignore being ignored by the other kids in class and trying unsuccessfully to convince himself that it would eventually blow over.

To Miss Fowl's credit, the students in her class were more than just names on a class roll. She had taken the time to know each student personally and could sense the subtle undercurrents in her classroom the way some creatures could sense the ebb and flow of the ocean. Whatever was going on, she could tell from the behavior the students nearest him that Jimmy was somehow at the center of it. And based upon his withdrawn manner she knew that it did not bode well for Jimmy. She decided that an indirect approach would be the best way to analyze the situation.

"Jimmy Neutron!" she called.

"What is it?" Jimmy replied indifferently without even looking up.

"Would you care to explain to the class the significance of Daylight Savings Time?"

Jimmy simply sank deeper into his chair. "Not particularly."

Miss Fowl sighed. "Very well. Cindy Vortex!"

"Yes, Miss Fowl?" Cindy responded brightly.

_A little too brightly_, Miss Fowl thought, but all she said was, "Perhaps you could answer for Jimmy."

"Well, I don't know, Miss Fowl," Cindy replied. "I wouldn't want Neutron to think that I was _stealing_ the limelight."

Miss Fowl noted that Jimmy nearly reacted to this, but quickly subsided again. "I'm sure that Jimmy wouldn't mind if you took a few minutes, Cindy," she urged.

"Just make sure that Neutron sees you put them back again," Libby chimed in. Several students snickered, but the laughter was not the good-humored sort that usually followed that sort of remark. Still, as Miss Fowl had hoped, the comments were helping the pent-up anger work its way to the surface so that she could find out what was going on.

Butch was the next to speak. "Yeah," he growled. "It used to be that he only thought the rest of us were dumber than him. Now he thinks we're all a bunch of crooks, too."

"I never said that!" Jimmy shot back. "And I never said that anyone was dumber that me!"

"Maybe you never said it," Nick put in, "but you've sure acted like it. Always having your homework done. Always answering every question. Okay, maybe my grades aren't as high as yours, but that doesn't mean I'm not just as good."

"Or better," Cindy added hotly to emphasize Nick's point..

Sheen nodded vigorously. "And it doesn't mean that we're crooks, either. Just because we don't get straight A's doesn't mean we're criminals, no matter what those TV news magazines say. Or even straight B's…or mostly C's…or…" His voice trailed off. "I think I'm going stop now."

"Yeah, Jimmy," Carl said. "It really hurt for you to think that any of us would steal something from people we know. Especially from Miss Fowl." This was greeted by murmurs of agreement from the other students.

Jimmy stood and raised his hands in protest. "I never thought that anyone stole anything," he protested. "I was just trying to collect some information to figure out what happened yesterday. I -" He broke off and stared at Carl. "Why would someone stealing from Miss Fowl upset you more than someone stealing from me?"

"Well…" Carl looked uncomfortable and started twisting the front of his shirt. "She's nice and she gave mea C+ on my last essay and sometimes in the right light I think that she looks kind of like -" He became aware that everyone, including Miss Fowl, was giving him puzzled looks. "I object!" he yelped frantically. "That line of questioning is immaterial and irrelevant! I'm not the one on trial here! You are!"

"No one is on trial here," Miss Fowl answered firmly. "But I think we should try to clear some things up. Now what exactly is going on?" Immediately a tumult of two dozen voices broke out and she waved her hands for silence. When the din subsided she said, "I take it that everyone here has something against Jimmy. Since there's only one of him, I'll listen to one person from the opposing side." She looked around and pointed. "Cindy! Tell me your side of it."

"Tell it like it went down, Vortex," Nick called out.

"Gladly." Cindy smiled at Nick and took a position at the front of the class. "As everyone knows, two items disappeared yesterday under fairly mysterious circumstances. One of them was Nerdtron's latest and customarily overdone science deomonstration. The other was Miss Fowl's prized pen. No one knows where they went, and no one to taking them. But only a certain big-brained obsessive-compulsive – who shall remain nameless – actually suspected that someone in this class took them and in so doing practically labeled everyone in this room as potential thieves."

When Cindy concluded Miss Fowl asked, "Did he actually call anyone a thief?"

"Well, no,' Cindy admitted. "But like Nick says, by the way he acted he may just as well have. He actually followed Libby and me yesterday because he thought I was going to fence the loot and unload the scratch on some bling-bling."

"He thought what?" Miss Fowl blinked.

"Uh…I mean, he thought I was going to sell the stolen items and buy some flashy stuff for myself with the money."

"I see." Miss Fowl nodded. "Well, that's clear enough. You may sit down. Jimmy! Tell us your side."

Jimmy took a deep breath and took Cindy's place at the front of the class. "Thank you, Miss Fowl. Now," he continued, addressing the class, "as Miss Fowl pointed out and Cindy just admitted, I never called anyone a thief. The fact is that two items disappeared yesterday. Since we were the only ones in this classroom, isn't it logical that one of the people in here took them, Nick?"

"Well…I suppose," conceded Nick. "But it wasn't me."

"And as far as my obsessing about it, one of those things was mine. If someone took something of yours, wouldn't you care more about it being missing than other people who were in the class, Sheen?"

Sheen scoffed. "Not at all."

"Even the thing taken was your signed and numbered limited edition Ultra Lord Platinum Series Galactic Edition Cosmic Avenger mega-action figure with complete Atomic Avenger's Annihilation Arsenal?" Jimmy pressed.

Sheen waved it off calmly. "Nah."

Jimmy was dumbfounded. "Sheen, how can you say that?" he stammered. "That figure is your prized possession. You actually ate over two thousand boxes of Ultra Loops cereal just to get the boxtops you needed to even enter the drawing for it. How can you say you wouldn't care more about it being missing than anyone else would?"

"Because everyone should naturally be as upset as me about it being missing. It's the greatest thing in the whole world ever," Sheen replied as though explaining the obvious. A look of nearly fanatic intensity came over his face and his voice became more excited. "They should all be out beating the hedgerows and razing the fields to find it, and the thief should be hunted down without mercy until they're found and then dragged by their thumbs to their well-deserved final judgment. They'll pay for this outrage! They'll all pay! _Vengeance shall be mine, do you hear? Mine!_" Jimmy took a cautious step back from Sheen, who seemed to realize what he was doing and slowly calmed down again. After regaining his composure Sheen looked coolly about the classroom and said, "However, if it will speed things along, I'll reluctantly concede your point."

Jimmy nodded but still gave Sheen an odd look before continuing. "Thank you. And you, Carl. You made it clear that you greatly admired Miss Fowl."

Carl looked uneasy. "Maybe. I might have," he replied awkwardly. Unable to contain himself he burst out, "I don't have a problem, all right?"

"O-ka-a-ay." Jimmy let Carl's outburst pass and forced himself to concentrate on the point he was trying to make. "What I'm saying is, if you could find the person who took Miss Fowl's pen, wouldn't you try to do it? Even if the person who took it might turn out to be a friend? Even a close friend?"

Carl thought about it. "Well…yeah. I guess I would."

Jimmy nodded in satisfaction. "So that's it. I was doing what I thought I had to do to find out what really happen. If anyone misunderstood what I was trying to do, than I apologize for that, but I don't think anyone else here wouldn't have done the same if they thought they could. It doesn't mean that I think anyone is a bad person or a thief. Science is predicated on finding the facts and then arriving at a logical conclusion and that's all I was doing. In short, were my actions really that that inexplicable or, more importantly, inexcusable?"

"Well," Butch said, "I guess if you put it that way…"

"And I guess I would like to know who took those things," Nick added. "I mean, the next time it could be something of mine that disappears."

"Makes sense," Libby agreed. "We can't have a sneak thief on the loose."

Miss Fowl sat down at her desk and rapped on it with the edge of her ruler. "Ladies and gentlemen of the classroom, you have heard the arguments of both sides. It is now up to you to render a verdict concerning the actions of Jimmy Neutron. Did Jimmy act inappropriately? All in agreement, and believe that Jimmy was in the wrong, raise your right hand and signify by saying 'Yea'."

There was no sound and a quick glance around the room showed Jimmy that no one's – not even Cindy or Libby's - hand was raised.

Miss Fowl nodded. "Very well. All those not in agreement, and feel that Jimmy did the right thing, raise your right hand and signify by saying, 'Nay'."

A chorus of voices sang out "Nay!" and Jimmy felt a flush of happiness to see that there was not a single dissenting student in the classroom.

Miss Fowl nodded again. "The people have spoken. James Isaac Neutron, you are cleared of any and all wrongdoing and are returned to honorable status among your classmates." She rapped her desk with the ruler again. "And now, since this is a classroom and not a courtroom, can we please get back to our social science lesson?"

There was a reluctant murmur of assent and the students turned back to their textbooks. As they did so Cindy leaned towards Jimmy "Don't think that this means I like you any better, Neutron," she muttered.

Jimmy smiled and shrugged it off, just happy to have things back to normal. "Actually, Vortex," he began, "I wouldn't have it any other -"

He was cut off by a piercing shriek. Startled by the noise, Jimmy and everyone else in the classroom stared at Libby, who looked stricken and was frantically searching her book bag and desk. "Libby Folfax, is there some problem?" demanded Miss Fowl.

Libby's frenzied movements slowed and she finally slumped back in her chair, looking defeated and close to tears. With a tragic expression on her face she turned to Miss Fowl, who was waiting patiently for an explanation. "It's my gold bracelet, Miss Fowl," she said. "It's gone!"

End of Chapter 6


	7. An Unexpected Twist

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 7:

"Gone?" Miss Fowl repeated. "Are you sure you were wearing it today?"

"I'm positive," Libby answered, clearly distraught. "It isn't even mine, really. My momma said that I could wear it because I was old enough to start wearing it now. It's a family antique. If I don't get it back she'll kill me."

"Well, calm down and think," Miss Fowl told her. "When do you last remember seeing it?"

Libby thought back. "I know I had it when I came to school this morning."

"That's true," Cindy said. "I remember warning her that she should take it off because she might lose it."

"So that's when I put it in my book bag," Libby said. "I forgot all about it until now when I thought there might be a thief in the classroom. Now it isn't there."

"Maybe it fell on the floor when you took out your books," suggested Sheen.

Libby considered it and carefully studied the floor around her desk. "That's possible. But if that's so, it isn't there any more."

"Maybe you accidentally kicked it without realizing. Students, check around your desks for a gold bracelet," instructed Miss Fowl as disappeared under her own desk.

Almost immediately Carl called out, "I found it!"

Libby looked startled and said, "You did?"

"Pick it up and take it to Libby, Carl," Miss Fowl ordered as her head reappeared above the desk.

Carl obediently reached down to pick up what he had found, but suddenly looked disappointed. "Oh. Sorry. It's just a rubber band." When Libby's miserable expression returned he held out his hand to display the yellow band and quickly added, "But you can have it if you want it. It kind of looks gold." He flexed and twisted the rubber band. "And it's stretchy."

"I don't think you're helping, Carl," observed Cindy.

"Keep looking, class," Miss Fowl called out as she burrowed beneath her desk again, "and make sure that you've really found a bracelet before you get Libby's hopes up again."

Carl hung his head. "Sorry," he apologized.

The rest of the class found nothing and after five minutes Miss Fowl called off the search. "I'm sorry, Cindy," Miss Fowl told Libby. "I'm afraid that you must have lost it somewhere else."

Jimmy looked thoughtful. "Or someone in class did find it and aren't saying anything."

"What's that, Jimmy?" asked Miss Fowl.

"I was just thinking out loud, Miss Fowl." Jimmy usually paced back and forth when he was thinking, but because he was in class he remained in his chair and tapped a restless finger against his desk instead. "What you suggested could have happened, but it seems awfully coincidental for Libby to have lost her gold bracelet the day after a couple other gold items were lost in this very classroom."

"What are you getting at, Neutron?" demanded Cindy.

"Well, I'm thinking that maybe Libby's bracelet did fall out of her book bag when she pulled her book out, like Sheen suggested. It's possible that there was enough noise at the time for Libby not to hear the bracelet fall on the floor and she may have accidentally kicked it away without realizing it. But it may also be that someone noticed the bracelet on the floor before Libby noticed that it was missing, and took advantage of the opportunity."

Miss Fowl looked doubtful. "And who would that be?"

Jimmy shook his head. "I don't know. But it couldn't have gone very far without someone noticing it."

Cindy bristled at this. "Like maybe to the desk right next to hers?"

"I never said that," Jimmy replied. "I'm just saying that I doubt Libby could have kicked a bracelet more than a couple desks away without her or someone else in class noticing."

"That makes sense," Libby remarked, slowly nodding her head. "It would have made noise when it was sliding across the floor, and if I kicked it that hard I probably would have felt it."

"Exactly."

"But that all assumes that Libby lost it here," Cindy argued. "Okay, maybe losing it right at this time sounds like a big coincidence, but coincidences happen."

"There's a saying, Cindy - 'Once is chance, twice is coincidence, but three times is conspiracy'. This is the third time in two days that something gold has gone missing from someone from someone in this class in," Jimmy told her grimly. "I can't believe that this was just a coincidence. I'm certain that someone took all those things, and that whoever took my quasi-gold took Miss Fowl's pen and Libby's bracelet."

Sheen sighed. "I wish that Jimmy had something that would find his quasi-gold. Then he'd know who took the other things."

Jimmy shook his head. "I thought about that yesterday when I first lost my quasi-gold. The problem is, its properties are so close to real gold that I wouldn't be able to tell it apart from anything else made of gold."

"Yeah, Sheen," Carl remarked. "He couldn't tell it apart from all the gold that everyone else carries around."

Jimmy sat bolt upright. _I am the world's biggest idiot,_ he reproached himself. "Carl!" he nearly shouted.

"What?" Carl asked as he shrank back in apprehension.

"You're a genius!"

Carl looked puzzled, and then gratified. "I am? Oh, right. I am. I knew that."

"What are you talking about, Jimmy?" Miss Fowl asked.

"A way to find my quasi-gold," Jimmy answered excitedly. "Look, it's true that I don't have anything that can tell quasi-gold apart from real gold. But how many people would normally be carrying that much gold around with them?"

"Well, jewelers, rich people, rap artists, Mr. T…" Sheen began.

Jimmy waved him off impatiently. "Let me rephrase. How many students at this school would have 400 grams of gold with them?"

The students in class looked thoughtful. "How much is that?" Nick finally asked.

Miss Fowl shook her head sorrowfully. "My lessons on the metric system have gone completely to waste," she sighed unhappily.

Jimmy did a quick calculation in his head. "That would be over $5000 of gold."

There was an excited buzz amongst the class. "Well," said Sheen, "I'd guess that only Useless Rich would be able have that much."

"Eustace Stritch," Libby corrected.

"Whatever," countered Sheen.

"The point is," Jimmy went on impatiently, "that even if it would register as gold, the only person here at Lindbergh Elementary that appeared to have that much gold would probably be the person who took the quasi-gold. There's no one else here who would have a reason to be carrying around that much real gold with them."

Miss Fowl looked intrigued. "Did you say you have something that would detect gold?"

Jimmy nodded. "Yes. I could modify the circuits of my elemental transmutor to act as a detector. It has a very short range, so I'd need to be within 5 feet or so of that amount of gold to detect it, but I could find it." He looked around. "That is, if you and the rest of the class doesn't mind if I do a search."

Miss Fowl and the other students looked uncertainly at each other. Finally Libby spoke. "I say 'yes'. Let's find out what's going on and get it over with."

Nick nodded. "Sounds pretty cool to me," he commented.

"And how," Butch agreed, smacking one massive fist into the palm of his other hand. "Let's find the creep and teach them a lesson."

The rest of the class quickly concurred, and waited for Miss Fowl to make a decision. "Well," she finally said, "as long as everyone in class agrees to it then I guess there's nothing wrong with trying." She nodded to Jimmy. "Very well. You may proceed."

"It'll just take a few minutes to make the modifications." Jimmy opened the case of his transmutor and went to work, humming and muttering to himself as he reworked the intricate circuits inside. At length he closed the case again and held the device up. "Ready," he announced.

Cindy rolled her eyes. "I can hardly wait," she remarked in a bored voice.

Jimmy activated the transmutor and strolled down the aisles between the students' desks, waving the device from side to side and intently watching the darkened LEDs on its face. Each student watched in mixed curiosity and apprehension as he approached and then appeared to relax as Jimmy passed by without comment.

"You realize that it's entirely possible that the thief, if there is a thief, may not even have brought the missing items with them to school?" Cindy asked Jimmy as he approached.

Jimmy shrugged. "Maybe. But even if they didn't, there's a chance that there's enough gold in Libby's bracelet to at least find -" He stopped as one of the LEDs on the transmutor-cum-detector came on and began to blink. "I've got something," he announced.

The rest of the class crowded around while still giving Jimmy room to maneuver. Cindy watched, first in suspicion and then in growing annoyance as Jimmy slowly moved past her desk, circled around, and then returned. As he drew nearer to her the blinking of the LED became more rapid and then became a steady bright glow as he moved the detector towards her book bag.

Cindy stared at him in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding, Nerdtron," she spluttered. "You must have crossed a wire or something. There is no way that any of those things you're looking for are in my bag."

"In that case, Cindy," Miss Fowl told her, "perhaps you wouldn't mind showing us what's in your book bag?"

Shandra's voice was like wind off a glacier. "Besides maybe books?"

Cindy was about to object again, but apparently decided that the simplest way to put an end to the entire ridiculous situation was to comply with the request. "This is so pointless," she complained as she angrily pulled open the zipper and upended the bag on her desk. "The only things in here are my own -"

A clatter startled her into stunned silence. Amongst her notepads and textbooks lay three distinctive objects - a lump of shiny yellow metal, a sleek golden pen, and a shiny gold bracelet. Despite the evidence of their own senses the students gathered around Cindy's desk stared in disbelief, first at the golden objects, and then at her.

"My quasi-gold!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"My pen!" squawked Miss Fowl.

"My bracelet!" Libby cried.

"My goodness," whispered Cindy.

End of Chapter 7

Author's Notes:

Just as an aside, the quote "Once is chance, twice is coincidence, but three times is conspiracy" is from a paperback edition of the Ian Fleming's James Bond novel "Goldfinger". Given the nature of the missing items it seemed a fun reference to stick in.


	8. All That Glitters

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 8:

Ciindy looked from the small pile of gold on her desk to the ring of unfriendly faces surrounding her. "I…I don't understand any of this," she stammered. "I don't know how this…how any of these things got into my book bag."

Butch pointed an accusing finger at her. "You're a gold-stealing bully!" he told Cindy. "And that's the worst kind!"

"I didn't steal anything!" Cindy shot back angrily, her voice beginning to break. "I'm innocent!"

"I dunno, Cindy," Nick said. "It's kind of cool when people think you're bad. But to actually be bad is…you know…so not bad."

"Yeah, stealing is always fun until someone loses an eye or a finger," Carl added.

Sheen looked puzzled. "Just what does that mean?"

"I don't know," Carl shrugged. "My mom just says that sort of thing whenever I do something she doesn't like. You know, like watch TV too close, or forget to return a library book, or read one of those scary comic books with the talking animals…"

"Ah, gotcha," Sheen replied, nodding in comprehension.

"If you liked the bracelet so much, why didn't you just ask if you could wear it?" Libby asked. "I could have asked my momma if you could borrow it."

"But I didn't take it, Libby!" Cindy answered, sniffling a bit. "Really I didn't! I'd never steal anything! Not from you!"

"I'm sorry, Cindy," Miss Fowl said sadly, "but under the circumstances I'm afraid I'm going to have to call in your parents. You were such a good student. Now you might even get expelled."

Cindy had been on the verge of tears and the threat of expulsion pushed her over the edge. "I didn't do anything!" she sobbed. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

Jimmy had been one of the few students who had not said anything to her or anyone else once the missing items had been emptied onto Cindy's desk from her book bag. _Something's not right here_, he thought. _Cindy's a smartmouth sometimes, but I know she isn't a thief. Up to now I thought she might have been playing a prank to humiliate me but this has gone way too far._ He chewed his lower lip as he tried to reason it out. _I'm missing something here…something important. But what? Come on…think. Think. Think!_

_But watch what happens when I give it a light dose of radiation…_

_I wonder why someone waited until today to take it…_

…_I say that there's nothing wrong with being unethical…_

_Brain blast!_ Jimmy thought in excitement. _I know who did…and why! But I still have to find some way to prove it._ "Miss Fowl!" he called out.

Jimmy shout voice made Miss Fowl and the other students look up. Even Cindy looked up, her face stained with tears, at the tone of his voice. "What is it, Jimmy?"

"Miss Fowl, I admit that this looks bad." He reviewed the facts at hand. "Okay, really bad. But you have to admit that the evidence is purely circumstantial. After all, no one actually saw Cindy take anything. We all found out today just what misunderstandings can lead to and just how much damage they can do. Before we do anything drastic, like call in Cindy's parents or talk about disciplinary action, I think we should have a trial to sort out the facts."

Miss Fowl rubbed her chin. "That's highly unusual, Jimmy," she pointed out.

"So are a lot of other things that go on in this class," Sheen responded.

"That's true. Well…I suppose we could postpone things until we're more sure of the facts. Very well, let's proceed."

"Well, about that…" Jimmy hesitated. "Could we postpone the trial until tomorrow? I think that whoever defends Cindy will need a little time to prepare."

"But tomorrow is Saturday!" Britney objected.

"I know," Jimmy replied. "But Cindy has never done anything wrong before. I realize that this will be an imposition of sorts, but we're talking about Cindy possibly being expelled here." Cindy began crying anew at the reminder, making Jimmy wince before he went on. "This is something that would follow her for the rest of her life. Don't you want to be absolutely sure that you didn't make a mistake in condemning her? And if it were any one of you that were in her place, wouldn't you want to have a fair chance to present your case?"

Libby still looked uncertain. "I don't know," she said. "I mean, it was my momma's bracelet she took. That's pretty low."

"She's your best friend," Jimmy argued. As Libby still wavered he added, "And Carl and Sheen will be defending her."

Butch rubbed his hands. "The two stooges? Hey, I'd pay money to see that. I'm for the postponement."

"That'd be even better than _My Cousin Vinnie_," Nick agreed. Cindy covered her face with her hands, certain that she was doomed.

"Aren't you going to defend her, Jimmy?" Miss Fowl asked.

Jimmy looked unhappy. "No. My parents were invited to some fancy overnight dinner function by the Stritches and they want me to go along. But I should be back sometime tomorrow morning. I should be able to be her for part of the trial."

Libby shrugged. "Okay, fine. Tomorrow it is."

"Very well. All in favor of having the trial tomorrow?" asked Miss Fowl. After some murmuring everyone except Cindy raised their hand. "Don't you want to wait until tomorrow, Cindy?"

"When there's a train headed your way and you're stalled on the tracks, you might as well get it over with," was all she said.

"Well, be that as it may, I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice. I'll see everyone here tomorrow at 9:00 AM sharp. In the meantime, I'll take the missing items as evidence and lock them in my desk." Miss Fowl scooped up the incriminating items, deposited them into her desk drawer, and turned to the blackboard. "And now, let's get on with the lesson plan."

As Miss Fowl conducted class not many, especially Jimmy, were really paying attention. As with everyone else he was thinking of the trial the next day. He had not been lying when he said he would be away until tomorrow, and that concerned him. A great deal depended upon what happened between now and then, and there would no way for him to ensure that things would work out as he hoped they would. When the lunch bell finally sounded he joined with Carl and Sheen.

"Did you really want us to help defend Cindy tomorrow?" Carl asked him.

"Absolutely, Carl," said Jimmy. "You've both known her a long time and I think you'd try harder than anyone else here to make sure that things were fair."

Sheen looked thoughtful. "It's a good think I watched Ultra Lord Episode 726, 'Ultra Lord for the Defense'," he commented. "There's no substitute for sound legal training."

Jimmy nodded. "And one of the best bases for a sound defense is thorough preparation."

"Gotcha, Jimmy," Sheen assured him. "I'll be sure to have my Ultra Blaster and Sonic Resonator with me tomorrow."

Jimmy shut his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, Sheen. I was actually thinking that maybe you should talk with Libby and find out what she remembers. You might find something that would establish that Cindy couldn't have taken the bracelet."

"That's a great idea, Jimmy. Maybe I should take her to McSpanky's and a movie this evening, too. You know, really wear her down." He sauntered off, shouting, "Hey, Libby! Wait up!"

"You do that, Sheen," Jimmy called after him. When Sheen was gone, Jimmy turned to Carl.

Carl looked expectantly at him. "What do you want me to do, Jimmy? Should I question your mom to see what she knows?"

Jimmy looked puzzled. "What would my mom know about any of this?"

Carl shrugged. "I dunno. I haven't taken her to McSpanky's or a movie yet to ask her."

Jimmy sounded exasperated. "Carl, just stay away from my mom. She doesn't know anything."

"Hey, I was just trying to help!" Carl said defensively.

Jimmy hurried to reassure him. "I know. But there's something far more important I need you to do." He looked around to make sure no one was nearby or listening. "Look, I don't know for sure what's going on, I think that maybe Sheen is behind all this."

"Sheen?" Carl looked shocked.

"Yes. I think he took those things as a prank but realized that it went too far. I think that he found Libby's bracelet and planned to claim that he found them later, but panicked and tried to put it back into her book bag when Cindy and Libby were in the gym. Unfortunately he picked the wrong book bag and put it in Cindy's by mistake."

Carl nodded. "Okay, that's possible."

"But what I'm really worried about," Jimmy went on, "is that now he's probably really scared. He may try to do something drastic."

"Like what?"  
Jimmy produced a folded piece of paper from pocket. "Like maybe take this from my lab. I won't be there tonight and it would be a perfect chance for him to sneak in and get away with it. I need you to watch the clubhouse until 9:00 PM when the Ultra Lord show comes on. If he's going to try something, he'll try it then."

Carl studied the drawing carefully. "It looks like a satellite dish made out of a spaghetti strainer," he commented.

"It isn't. It's like my transmutor prototype, but I've already told Sheen that its effects are permanent. It's not quite finished, but it wouldn't be hard to finish it. When this is finished, Sheen could make all the gold he wanted and have all the money he would ever need."

"Wow," Carl breathed. "You mean he might want all that money to somehow help Cindy?"

"Maybe." Jimmy looked grim. "Or maybe what he was doing wasn't just a prank and something has really turned him evil. Either way, I need to know if he takes it. If he does, that would tell me that he really is the thief and that something is very wrong with him. Just don't try to interfere with him. It might be dangerous. And be sure you don't tell him or anyone else who might tell him. He can't know anything about this."

Carl carefully studied the drawing and nodded. "Okay, Jimmy. You can count on me."

"Thanks, Carl. Now I have to talk to Cindy. I'm going to let her use Goddard tonight to help prepare for the trial tomorrow. I'll see you after lunch."

Although no one said anything the air of expectant tension in Miss Fowl's classroom continued for the rest of the day. Jimmy in particular was on edge. Had he done the right thing? He hated to even consider that one of his friends was a thief, but the facts seemed inescapable. He also felt that what he was doing wasn't very ethical, but this was an emergency. All he could do was put his plan in motion and hope that all went as expected. If they did then everything should work out for the best. If not…well, he might have to try something more drastic.

After class he dropped off Goddard at Cindy's house to help her prepare her defense and learn about courtroom procedure, and then he and his parents drove off for the Stritches' out-of-town social function. Jimmy considered such things a waste of time, but his parents were increasingly of the opinion that he was at the age where he should learn how to in social situations. Normally he would have been bored stiff. This time, however, he had something vital and yet discreet to occupy him. Every few minutes, when conversation flagged or some proper response was not expected of him, he would glance at his wrist-comp, which showed the main workbench inside his lab. Nine o'clock came, and then ten o'clock, and nothing happened. He began to wonder if his plan had failed or had missed what he was watching for. Then, shortly before 11:00 PM, he came suddenly alert.

On the small screen of his wristcomp a hooded and cloaked figure entered the field of view and moved purposefully to the workbench. After a few seconds of deliberation, it selected one of the items on the bench, secreted it in the folds of the robe, and quickly exited again. Jimmy missed the politely irrelevant question posed to him at that moment by one of the Stritches' acquaintances and zoomed in on the workbench. He scrutinized the cluttered assortment of gadgets there and smiled in satisfaction.

"Gotcha!" he exclaimed.

End of Chapter 8


	9. Trial Sheen

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 9:

When Miss Fowl's class convened on Saturday morning Jimmy had not yet returned. Cindy's anxiety at his absence and the prospect of being defended by Carl and Sheen were tempered by physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation. She had been up most of the night before but appeared to have not slept for at least three, as she had tried to learn courtroom procedure from Goddard, rehearsed her responses to possible questions from the prosecution, and worried about the consequences of the outcome of the trial. While the trial was by no means legally binding Cindy knew that it would lay the groundwork for any official action the school officials might choose to take should her peers find her guilty. Her trepidation only increased when she learned that Nick would be the acting prosecutor.

"That's just great," she hissed to Sheen, who appeared to be unconcerned. "Everybody who gets on the stand is going to say what Nick wants to hear just so they don't look like a nerd."

"No worries," Sheen assured her while playing his Game Unit Portable. "Under my withering cross-examination I'll make complete monkeys out of all of them."

"Yeah," Carl agreed. "With us by your side you're practically free already."

Cindy shook her head unhappily. "Practically isn't good enough. It's not enough to not get me convicted. Unless you can find out who really did it everyone will still be sure that I did it." She fixed a bleary eye on Carl. "Just what is it you're supposed to do if Sheen is going to be doing the cross-examination?"

Carl beamed. "Give him a second opinion on obscure legal points, or course. Oh and provide healthy nutritious snacks." He held out a brightly colored block of some substance that looked like plastic. "Want a fruit chewy? It's rhubarb."

At the moment Miss Fowl walked in, wearing a long black robe. Butch, who was standing by the door immediately called out, "All rise." The students in the room complied and he went on. "Criminal court weekend edition is now in session. The honorable and, may I say, extremely fair and capable Miss Fowl presiding."

"Zip it, Butch," Miss Fowl responded as the students go to their feet. "Don't think I've forgotten about that homework assignment you still owe me." She took her seat at her desk and announced, "Be seated." When the students has taken their seats again she turned to Nick. "Is the prosecution ready?"

"Ready," Nick replied in an almost bored voice.

"Is the defense ready?" Miss Fowl looked at Sheen, Carl, and Cindy.

Cindy looked at Sheen, who was still playing the video game, and then at Carl, who was working on the large wad of fruit chewy he had put in his mouth. "Would it do any good to say 'No'?" she asked.

Miss Fowl shook her head. "Not really."

"I didn't think so," Cindy sighed. "Let's get this over with. Like I really have much of a chance with this crowd." She glanced meaningfully at the twelve classmates who had been chosen for the jury, none of whom looked very friendly. "And considering that you were a victim, I'm not sure that being a judge isn't a conflict of interest."

"Cindy!" Miss Fowl reproached her. "Please remember that our system of jurisprudence is based on a clear and unprejudiced view of the facts in arriving at a verdict. The judge and jury in this case have a sacred duty to consider all the evidence in arriving at a conclusion, not harbor some preconceived notions as to what might have happened. As a judge I have full faith that your legal representation will have a good chance at acquitting you and that the jury will do its duty without prejudice."

"Thanks, Miss Fowl," said Sheen.

"But as your teacher I'd say not to get your hopes up." She rapped her desk with the ruler. "Prosecution will give its opening statement."

"Thanks, Miss Fowl." Nick sauntered coolly over to the section of the class that was serving as the jury. Once there he winked and smiled at the six girls who were members of the jury, causing them to titter and blush while the six boy members murmured quietly in awe at this demonstration. When the hubbub had died down, Nick said, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury…and especially you ladies…it is the intent of the prosecution to prove that the accused, Cynthia Vortex, did knowingly and willingly commit acts of theft against not her fellow classmates, but against her own teacher as well. While this sort of overt rebellion against established authority is kind of cool, it's not cool enough to really overlook. It is the intent of the prosecution to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, through both testimony and physical evidence, that the accused had motive, means, and opportunity to commit, not just one of these crimes, but all three. And if you don't bring in a verdict of guilty, my only conclusion would be that you aren't as cool as I thought you were." He bowed to scattered applause. "Thank you."

Nick returned to his seat and Miss Fowl nodded at Sheen. "The defense may make its opening statement." When Sheen failed to respond, Miss Fowl cleared her throat. "Does the defense wish to make an opening statement?"

Sheen continued to work his Game Unit, oblivious to Miss Fowl's question, Cindy elbowed him savagely in the ribs. "Ow!" he cried, and then glared at Cindy. "Thanks a lot, Cindy. I was this close -" He illustrated with a small gap between his thumb and forefinger. "- _this close_ – to getting that magma cannon. Now I have to start all over again."

Cindy returned his glare with a murderous look of her own. "Will you put that stupid thing away and concentrate on this trial? I'm this close -" She mimicked Sheen's gesture. "- _this close_ – to getting expelled from school! Now get out there and defend me, you idiot!"

"Does the defense wish to make an opening statement?" Miss Fowl repeated impatiently.

With a heavy sigh Sheen put down his portable video game and trudged to the front of the class. "The defense does have an opening statement, Your Honor." He looked across the expectant faces of the jury and appeared to be deep in thought. "My client is clearly an unreasonable and short-tempered martinet and I ask that the jury take into account just how strongly I must believe in her innocence to put up with her unwarranted behavior for me to even defend her."

Cindy stared open-mouthed at this before raising her hand and spluttering, "Your honor, I object!"

"You can't object," Miss Fowl countered. "He's your attorney."

"And that's another thing I should object to. Why am I saddled with Neutron's trained chimp act? Why can't I have someone who knows what he's doing?" She pointed to Nick. "Like him?"

Miss Fowl looked almost embarrassed. "Well, Cindy," she cackled, "the truth of the matter is that your friend Cindy couldn't really be your attorney, and aside from Jimmy, Sheen, and Carl none of the other students really wanted to do it."

That stunned Cindy. "No one?"

"Considering the evidence, they didn't think you had much of a chance." Miss Fowl looked sympathetically at Cindy. "I'm afraid that unless Jimmy shows up, they're really all you have."

Cindy sat numbly as Sheen took his seat next to her. No one here except Carl and Sheen believed that she was innocent or willing to stand up for her? She sneaked a peek at Sheen, who was again playing his video game, and at Carl, who was licking the residue off the wrapper of his fruit chewy. She had never held them in high regard, and the most she had been able to feel for them until now had been amused tolerance. This somehow changed things. She still knew, or at least strongly believed, that the two were complete morons, but she thought that she understand Jimmy's unswerving loyalty to them a little better. She was so deep in thought that almost missed Miss Fowl's next words.

"Prosecution, please call you first witness."

"Thank you, Your Honor." Nick took his place at the front of the classroom next to the witness stand. "I call Elizabeth Folfax to the stand."

Libby obediently took her place on the witness stand. Because this was not a real criminal trial she was not sworn in, but Miss Fowl still cautioned her to give full and truthful testimony. Once that was done Nick began his questioning.

Nick gave Libby a friendly smile (a little _too_ friendly, Cindy fumed). He picked up the lump of quasi-gold lying on Miss Fowl's desk with the other items that had vanished and showed it to Libby. "Miss Folfax, do you recognized Class' Exhibit A?"

Libby examined the evidence carefully before answering. "It looks like Jimmy's sample of fake gold."

"Thank you," Nick nodded as he returned the golden sample to Miss Fowl's desk. "Now, Miss Folfax, were you present at the time the first item was stolen?"

"Objection!" Sheen called out.

"To what?" Miss Fowl asked.

"Speculation on the part of the prosecution. This court has not yet established that the items in question were, in fact, stolen," Sheen promptly answered. Cindy looked at him in shock. For the first time it occurred to her that Sheen was actually trying his best (whatever that might be) to win for her.

Miss Fowl pondered that and nodded. "I'm sorry, Nick," Miss Fowl apologized, "but I'm going to have to sustain the objection."

"You can't take his side over mine," Nick objected, looking offended. "I'm…I'm cooler than him."

"While that may be, I'm afraid that we still have to decide this case on its actual merits. Please withdraw the question," instructed Miss Fowl.

Nick looked sulky and resumed his questioning. "Allow me to rephrase, Miss Folfax. Were you present at the time the first object…disappeared?"

"I was," Libby answered.

"And who was that object last seen with?" Nick continued, only to be interrupted again.

"Objection!" Sheen said.

"Now what?" asked Miss Fowl and Nick together.

"I must point out that the prosecution ended his question with a preposition. Also, he used the nominative form 'who', rather than correct grammatical form called for in this case, namely, 'whom'," Sheen explained triumphantly. He noticed Cindy's quizzical stare and whispered to her, "Some subliminal lesson experiments that Jimmy was testing. I haven't completely gotten over them yet."

Miss Fowl rapped her desk with the ruler. "Objection overruled. This is a court trial, not a grammar rodeo. Proper language is not at issue here." She added in a quieter voice, "Unfortunately."

"Yeah," Butch agreed, shaking his fist. "If I wanted to be learning stuff on Saturday, I'd be in school." He paused and looked around the classroom. "Oh, right," he added, as his shoulders sagged.

Miss Fowl rapped on her desk again. "Please continue. And the defense will restrict all objections to matters of legal merit."

Nick cleared his throat and gave Sheen a venomous look, as though daring him to object one more time. "Let me rephrase again. And this had better be the last time I have to do it," he added in a loud voice. "Please tell the court whom last had the item before it vanished."

Sheen started to raise his hand but lowered it slowly at Miss Fowl's icy glare. Libby looked briefly at Cindy before she reluctantly answered, "Cindy."

"And how can you be so sure?" Nick asked.

Cindy squirmed and answered reluctantly. "Because I was in my seat right next to her at the time. When she got it, Jimmy called everyone up to the front of the class to watch how he had made it. She couldn't have passed it to anyone because no one was there to take it from her."

"I see." Nick walked coolly and deliberately towards the jury section. "And in the confusion of people scrambling towards the front of the class, Cindy could easily have pocketed the queasy gold without anyone noticing, could she not?"

Before Libby could answer Sheen again interrupted. "Objection, Your Honor!"

"What was wrong with that?" Nick demanded. "I said that perfectly!"

"Objection on what grounds, Sheen?" Miss Fowl asked.

"Prosecution's comments are speculative and call for a conclusion on the part of the witness," Sheen insisted.

Miss Fowl sighed and nodded. "Objection sustained. Prosecution will restrict himself to the facts of the case. Let the record show only that that testimony alleges that Cindy Vortex was the last person to have Exhibit A before it vanished."

"Yes!" Sheen exulted, capering about in delight. "The Sheenster 2, Nick 1! In your face, Nick!"

"Order in the court!" Miss Fowl demanded, rapping sharply and insistently on the desktop with her ruler's edge. "Defense will refrain from performing victory dances in the courtroom, at least before a verdict is reached."

Sheen quickly composed himself. "My apologies, Your Honor. I will try to remember."

"You'd better," scowled Miss Fowl. "I will not have this courtroom turned into a circus, even by a trained chimp act." She nodded at Nick. "The prosecution will please continue its examination."

"No further questions, your honor," Nick replied and resumed his seat.

"Very well," Miss Fowl said. "Does the defense wish to cross-examine?"

Sheen nodded and stood. "We do, Your Honor," he answered promptly. He leaned over the desk, picking up a sheaf of papers, and whispered, "Relax, Cindy. Just watch me tear her testimony to shreds."

"Oh, joy," Cindy nodded, her tired face impossible to read. "I can hardly wait."

End of Chapter 9

Author's Notes:

This would have been posted sooner, but I've been spending a lot of time developing this story as well as working on other needful projects. I'll try to pick up the pace, but more than likely most new postings will be on or around the weekend.

I had planned to have the courtroom scene take up only one chapter, but decided to expand it to do full justice to Carl and Sheen. As fun as it is to write Jimmy and Cindy, I find Sheen and Carl's antics much more entertaining at times, as well as the odd doings of Hugh Neutron.

One goof I realized is that in Chapter 4 Jimmy mentioned that the next day would be Wednesday, but then in Chapter 5 had it actually be Friday. This was not a clue to what was happening. It was just the sort of error that creeps in when you edit too much. Despite that, I'll let the story stand as it is. I've actually seen worse in published stories that I've enjoyed, so I'm in good company.


	10. Defense! Defense!

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 10:

Sheen paused to put a piece of gum in his mouth and then, chewing it slowly like a plug of chewing tobacco, moseyed slowly up to where Libby was sitting. "Howdy, Miz Folfax," he drawled in a thick Southern accent.

Libby stared at Sheen with more uncertainty than usual. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"I'll be asking the questions here, Miz Folfax," Sheen answered through his thick wad of gum. He turned, spat a large blob into Miss Fowl's wastebasket, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"She-e-en!" Miss Fowl squawked in protest. "What do you mean by spitting like that?"

Sheen appeared baffled by her answer. "Well, golly, Your Honor, I don't see what your kicking about. It went right into the spittoon."

It took Miss Fowl nearly a m inute to regain her composure. "Sheen, I want you to remember three things during this cross-examination," she finally informed Sheen. "First, you're chewing gum, not tobacco. Second, that's not a public spittoon, it's my personal waste paper basket. And third, there's no chewing gum in class!"

"But we aren't in class, Your Honor," Sheen pointed out. "This is Saturday, remember?"

Sheen's argument stymied Miss Fowl, but only for a moment. "It may be Saturday, but it's still my classroom."

"Courtroom," everyone chanted together.

"Whatever. You will conduct yourself in a dignified and acceptable manner, counselor. Expectorate again, and I will hold you in extreme contempt."

"You mean…" Sheen started to say.

Miss Fowl rapped her desk with her ruler. "Hock another and you're history!"

Sheen considered this and sighed. "As you say, Your Honor. My apologies to the court." He turned back to Libby. "Miz Folfax, isn't it true that Libby Folfax is not your only alias?"

As tired as she felt, this roused Cindy's curiosity as well as gaining the attention of everyone else in the room with the possible exception of Carl, who was sorting this fruit chewies by flavor. Libby fidgeted uncomfortably. "I don't know what you're talking about," she replied bleakly as Sheen walked slowly away and stopped to stand before the jury..

"Then let me refresh your memory," Sheen called over his shoulder as he hitched up a pair of invisible suspenders. "Isn't it true that you are also known by such dubious monickers as Princess Funkenstein, Puff Momma, and the Gangstress of Love?"

Libby snorted in disgust. "No one ever called me that!" she objected.

"Well, not to your face," Sheen admitted. He returned to stand before Libby and leaned forward. "But let me refresh your memory with a certain incident last Saturday evening. And please remember that you are required to answer truthfully. Isn't it true that that during the 8 PM showing of the _Thrilling Three_ – which was a horrible waste of talent, by the way - that you allowed your date to call you -"

Every eye was on Libby as she leapt to her feet. "It wasn't a date! We just ran into each other at the theater!" she shrieked. As the classroom buzzed with speculation she turned to Miss Fowl. "I object, Your Honor!"

Miss Fowl rapped on her desk to restored order. "You can't object. You're the witness."

Libby swung on Nick, who was leaning back in his chair. "Then why aren't you objecting to these questions?" she demanded.

Nick shrugged easily. "Hey, I'm only human," he explained. "I'm just as curious as the next guy." Cindy gave him a look of disgust.

"Miss Fowl," Libby pleaded, "is this line of questioning really valid?"

Miss Fowl deliberated briefly before admitting, "I'm afraid that I must concur with the witness. What is the purpose of this unorthodox, albeit admittedly provocative, line of questioning?"

"I merely wish to establish the character and credibility of this witness, Your Honor," Sheen drawled. "As the only professed eyewitness to certain alleged actions of my client, I contend that it is imperative to clearly establish the integrity of her character and the veracity of her testimony."

"What?" asked Nick.

"He wants to make sure that Libby isn't lying about Cindy having Jimmy's gold," Miss Fowl explained. She rapped her ruler on her desk. "Although the court agrees with the defense that all testimony be carefully evaluated to ascertain its truthfulness, I must rule against him in this line of questioning. The high moral character of the witness is well-established, and in the absence of any evidence to the contrary all testimony of the witness must be accepted as being truthful and complete."

Sheen looked disappointed but said only. "Very well, Your Honor. I withdraw my question." He stood motionless for a moment as he appeared to reconsider his strategy. "Now then, Miz Folfax," he resumed, "I may be just a simple country lawyer, but there are some points of your testimony that are somewhat unclear to me."

L:ibby, having barely escaped a potentially humiliating situation, did not appear very kindly disposed towards Sheen. "Such as?"

"Well, as I recall, you testified that my client last had Jimmy's sample," Sheen replied.

"That's right."

"And from whom did she obtain it?"

"From me," Libby answered. "Shandra passed it down her line of desks, then it came up mine, and then I handed it to Cindy when I was through."

"I see," Sheen nodded. "So it was according to the standard method of passing things in class. That is very clear. Thank you." He paused to think about this. "And you also testified that Jimmy invited the class up to demonstrate how he had created the sample in question?"

"That's right."

"What were you doing at the time/"

Libby looked uncertain as though not sure what Sheen was asking. "Listening to Jimmy, I guess."

"'Listening to Jimmy'." Sheen moved slowly away, his hands behind his back, as he considered this. "So your attention was on him when he invited everyone up to the front of the class?"

"Yes."

"And that's when everyone went up? So that, as you testified, there was no one to take the sample from my client?"

Libby nodded slowly. "Yes."

Sheen turned to face her. "Including yourself, of course."

"Well, yeah," Libby replied. "I mean, I went up with the rest of them."

"So," Sheen drawled as he returned to a position directly in front of Libby, "as I understand from your testimony, you handed Cindy Class Exhibit A. Then you watched Jimmy, then he invited everyone up, and _then_ everyone, including you, went forward?"

"Umm…" Libby seemed apprehensive, as if expecting some kind of trap. "Yes, that's pretty much what happened."

"So, in fact, there was some period of time between when you last saw my client with the sample and when you contend that there was no one to whom she could pass the sample?"

"Well…"

Sheen's voice became relentless. "And as your desk is in the front row of the room, isn't it also true that you could not have seen who was and who was not still in their seats when you yourself moved forward?"

"She had the sample!" Libby protested. "I saw her with it!"

"Oh, I am very sure of that. But wasn't that actually when you first gave the sample to her, and not later when everyone moved to the front of the room?" Libby looked confused and Sheen pressed on. "You testified that you had already examined the gold and passed it to Cindy. Having already had a chance to see it, was there any reason for you to keep watching it? Isn't it actually true that, as you testified, you were watching Jimmy and not Cindy at the time?"

"Objection, Your Honor!" Nick called out. "Defense is harassing the witness."

Before Miss Fowl could rule on the objection Sheen leaned forward with all trace of amiability gone from his face and voice. "Are you sure that Cindy still had that sample?" he demanded, his face only inches from Libby's.

Libby squirmed, looking almost frightened. "Well…" she began in a weak voice.

"That's enough, Sheen," Miss Fowl informed him.

"Are you _sure_ that Cindy still had that sample?" Sheen pressed, more firmly.

Miss Libby pounded her desk. "You've made your point."

"_Are you sure that Cindy still had that sample?_" Sheen demanded one more time, his voice very nearly a snarl.

Miss Fowl hammered her desk, breaking her ruler. "That will be all, Sheen!" she snapped. Despite Miss Fowl's admonition Sheen stood his ground, saying nothing while Libby fidgeted beneath his withering glare. The room was totally still, so quiet that everyone could hear the popping as Sheen chewed his gum and the faint rustle as Carl unwrapped another fruit chewy. Finally Libby broke the silence.

"I may have been mistaken," she reluctantly admitted. "She might not have had the sample anymore when everyone went to the front of the room."

There was a sound of rushing air as each student exhaled the breath he or she had been holding during the wait. Even Cindy found that she had stopped breathing and gulped air. For the first time she really believed that she had a chance of winning the trial.

Sheen gave the unhappy Libby a sympathetic stare and nodded. "No further questions for this witness, Your Honor," Sheen remarked. "Oh, wait. Just one more," he corrected himself. "Did you want to see _Dancse With Penguins_ with me tonight? And please remember you are still required to answer truthfully."

If looks could kill then the glare Libby gave Sheen would have disintegrated him. "I would sooner rot in -"

Miss Fowl had discarded the broken fragments of her ruler in the waste basked and pounded her desk with her stapler. "This is not really a criminal court, people," she reminded Libby, "so let's try to keep it civil."

Libby's face worked in frustration for some time. At last she managed to get out, "No, thank you."

Sheen shrugged, long-accustomed to the rejection. "Okay, that's all," he said.

As Libby left the witness stand and Sheen returned to take his seat, Cindy stood up. "I've changed my mind about my representation, Miss Fowl," she announced, pointing to Sheen. "I want him!"

End of Chapter 10


	11. Cindy's Last Stand

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 11:

As Sheen was concluding his cross examination and Libby was standing down from the witness stand, Jimmy Neutron was fidgeting impatiently as his father took his own fiendishly unhurried time driving back home. "Dad, could we please go a little faster?" he pleaded.

"Now, Jimmy," his father said, "how often are we lucky enough to take nice leisurely family drive through the country on a Saturday morning?"

"At least once too often," Jimmy muttered.

"Exactly," his father continued. "And trust me, when you grow up you'll savor every memory of this. Now, when I was a boy –"

"Squirrel!" Jimmy's mother cried, pointing to the road ahead.

Hugh Neutron looked puzzled. "No, Sugar Booger. I'm pretty sure that I was a boy."

Jimmy's mother reached over and jerked the steering wheel hard over, causing the car to slew past the small animal darting across the road, and then corrected to put the vehicle back on course once they were safely past. As she slumped back into her seat Jimmy's father stuck he head out the window.

"Road hog!" he yelled back at the offending rodent. Satisfied that he had fulfilled his part of the requisite proprieties he resumed his normal driving duties. "Now, where was I?"

"You were saying something about when you were a boy," Judy Neutron prompted him.

Jimmy's father nodded vigorously. "Oh, yes," he said. "When I was a boy…" He stopped and thought about it. "Or was it a squirrel? You know," he went on, after a pause, "it's been so long I can't really remember a lot about when I was young. Well, all the more reason to make sure Jimmy remembers this part of his life."

"Don't worry," Jimmy unhappily assured him. "I will. Every excruciatingly drawn out second of it."

"Well, that's great, son. Because it seems that this road we're driving on has quite a role in history. It seems that during the Civil War, when Colonel Beauregard Retro was ordered to reinforce the garrison at Fort Unnecessary, he unfortunately lost his map and…"

Jimmy groaned inwardly. _One of these days_, he told himself as his father droned on, _I'm going to have to learn to drive_.

Back in Miss Fowl's classroom Nick was waiting to call his next witness when Miss Fowl called out, "Sheen!"

"Yes, Miss Fowl?" Sheen answered. "And that's Counselor Sheen, if you please."

"Very well, _Counselor_ Sheen," Miss Fowl answered in turn. "Before we call the next witness, I want to remind you that there is no chewing gum in class."

"Haven't we gone over that already?" Sheen countered. "This is a courtroom, not a –"

"It's still my ro-o-om!" Miss Fowl squawked. "No gum!"

Sheen looked doubtful. "But -"

Miss Fowl pointed to her wastebasket, cutting Sheen short. "Now!" she insisted. "Or I'll hold you in contempt of this court!"

As Sheen wavered Cindy gave him an impatient look. "For crying out loud," she hissed at him. "Just do it before you get into trouble. Or worse, get me into more trouble."

Defeated, Sheen walked reluctantly over to the wastebasket, discarded the offending wad, and returned to his seat by Cindy. "Now you've done it," he whispered.

"Done what?" Carl asked from behind him.

"Yeah, what?" Cindy echoed.

Sheen shook his head. "That was some of Jimmy's book gum. He told me to chew it while I was defending you. Now I can't remember anything courtrooms or law or testimony or anything!"

Cindy stared in disbelief. _I knew it was too good to be true_, she thought numbly. "Nothing? Nothing at all?"

"Just some stuff about objections and _habeus corpus_es and other words that don't make sense anymore," Sheen told her dismally. "And Ultra Lord of course. But I'm as useless to you as Carl is now."

"That's not good," Carl observed dismally before realizing a few seconds later what Sheen had said. "Hey, wait a minute…"

"Check your egos, people," Cindy snapped. Although Sheen's legal abilities had been artificially enhanced she realized that he had already exposed some weaknesses in the case against her. Possibly there was something else that could be uncovered. "What do they really have against us?"

"What do you mean 'us'?" Sheen objected. Cindy gave him a venomous look and he subsided. "Okay, fine," he said. "Let's see…there's that stuff that was in your bag…the pen, the 400 grams of queasy gold, Libby's bracelet…"

Carl nearly jumped up in excitement. "Hey, wait! That's it! I've solved the case!"

"You?" Cindy asked in disbelief.

Sheen also appeared skeptical. "Are you talking about that Omnipedia Beige story?"

"No," Carl answered in impatience. He stood up and raised his hand. "Miss Fowl! I have important new evidence that will solve this case once and for all!"

Miss Fowl sighed and rested her head in her hands, fairly certain that whatever Carl had to say would not help either Cindy or her own sanity. However, experience had also taught her that the simplest way of dealing with it was to indulge Carl until he finally understood the situation himself. "What is it, Carl?"

"Miss Fowl, I object!" Nick called out. "This guy isn't a lawyer."

"Neither are you," Carl pointed out. "This is all make-believe anyway."

"Well, at least I'm a make-believe lawyer," retorted Nick.

Sheen scoffed. "Not a very good one."

Before Nick could respond any further Miss Fowl hammered her desk with her stapler. "Order in the court!" she snorted. "Carl, get on with it."

Carl bowed. "Thank you, Your Honor. As you know," he addressed the other students, "the strongest person in class is Butch."

"Got that right!" Butch called out while Nick frowned.

"And also, as you know, the first item taken was Jimmy's sample of fake gold," Carl continued. "But something that has been overlooked is that the sample weighed 400 grams, a weight so large that only once person in this class could possibly hide and carry it without attracting attention. Someone so strong that 400 grams would be like the weight of a feather to them." Carl whirled and pointed. "And that person is Butch!"

Butch stood stock still for a full five seconds before slowly clenching a massive fist and driving it into his other palm. "Call the butcher shop," he told Carl in an ominously quiet voice, "because you are dead meat, Meat."

_Six years of the metric system in grade school completely down the drain_, Miss Fowl thought sadly. "Carl," she said. "You do realize that 400 grams is the same weight as two rolls of nickels?"

Carl looked uncertain. "Maybe," he finally ventured. "But nickels are heavy too. For some people," he added.

"And do you remember that that half the students in class passed it around in class without any trouble at all?" added Libby.

Carl's uncertainty turned into discomfort. "Well…"

"And that I had it in my backpack without even knowing it?" Cindy concluded.

Carl squirmed, not really sure how to proceed, until Miss Fowl put him out of his misery by telling him gently, "You may sit down, Carl."

"Thank you Miss Fowl…Your Honor," Carl said in relief. He slipped into his seat and hunkered down, trying to make himself as small as possible. Despite Carl's obliviousness Cindy recognized that he had been trying to help and at this point knew that she couldn't be too particular from where help came.

"Thanks anyway, Carl," she told him quietly. "It was a nice try for…it was a nice try."

"Thanks," Carl answered in a considerably subdued tone of voice. "Want a fruit chewy? I think this one is kumquat."

Cindy shook her head, turning her attention back to the proceedings as Miss Fowl called, "Please call your next witness, Nick."

"Thank you, Your Honor," Nick said. "I call Cynthia Vortex to the stand."

Cindy stiffened and Sheen laid his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry," he told her. "I'm sure that Jimmy knew something like this might happen. He wouldn't have left if he wasn't sure we could handle it."

"I hope you're right," Cindy whispered back as she rose to her feet, "because I think we're running out of time." She strode towards the front of the room, received her instructions from Miss Fowl, and took her seat on the witness stand. Nick gazed at her without speaking, apparently assessing the situation.

"Now, Cindy…" Nick began and stopped. He leaned forward and smiled, resting his elbow on the edge of Cindy's chair. "May I call you Cindy?"

"That's my name," Cindy replied, somewhat flustered. Despite everything there was something about Nick that still put butterflies in her stomach and turned her knees to water.

"Objection!" Sheen called out. "It has been entered into the record that her name is 'Cynthia', and not 'Cindy'!"

"Overruled," Miss Fowl responded. "Prosecution may continue."

"Thank you, Your Honor." Nick smiled again at Cindy. "Would you say that I'm a pretty cool guy?"

Cindy puzzled over this. "Yes," she answered slowly, not sure where Nick was heading with this.

"And you wouldn't want to see me lose respect with everyone, would you?"

"No."

"So, if my job was to prove that the stuff you had in your backpack were the stolen items, you wouldn't hold it against me, would you?"

Cindy shook her head. "I suppose not. I mean, it's not your fault they were there."

"Exactly. And they were there, weren't they?"

"Yes."

"And that was your bag, right? And you had the bag with you all the time, right?"

Cindy felt a trap tightening. "Well, it was my bag and I didn't give it to anyone, but -"

Nick smiled again, but it was a self-satisfied sort of smile. "So if a cool guy like me were to conclude that you must have put them there, wouldn't it make sense that he was right and not some kind of a total loser?"

"Objection!" Sheen yelled, waving his arm furiously. "It has not been clearly established to the satisfaction of this court that Nick is 'cool'! I mean, he doesn't even have the Ultra Lord Starter Kit, for Pete's sake!"

Miss Fowl responded by hammering the stapler. "Objection overruled," she stated flatly. "I think that it has been clearly established that Nick is 'cool'." The class all murmured in agreement and Miss Fowl nodded towards Cindy. "You will please answer the question."

Cindy bit her lip, unwilling to reply. Finally she said weakly, "Well, I suppose it would make sense. But that doesn't mean -"

Sheen waved off the rest of her answer and turned away. "Thank you, that will be all. No further questions."

"Thank you, Nick," said Miss Fowl. "Does the defense wish to cross-examine?"

"I guess we do, your honor," Sheen answered. He walked towards Cindy as Sheen was returning to his seat.

"Beat that, loser," Nick muttered under his breath as he passed Sheen.

Although Nick's comment was missed by most of the rest of the class, Cindy was close enough to catch it and she wondered what Sheen could possibly do. She wasn't the only one wondering that. Sheen had no idea how to proceed and his face clearly showed it, dampening Cindy's already flagging spirits. Somehow she was convinced that the next few minutes would clearly establish her innocence or guilt.

End of Chapter 11


	12. J'accuse!

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 12:

As Cindy wondered how things would finally turn out, Sheen paced slowly back and forth in front of her, his head down and his hands placed carefully behind his back. This actually had a good effect on the others in the classroom, as the memory of Sheen's previous cross-examination led them to expect a brilliant second performance on his part. Cindy, unfortunately, knew the real facts of the situation and realized that Sheen was not formulating an ingenious strategy or deliberately building up the drama. Without the book gum to help him, Sheen was simply at a loss for what to do.

Even so, Cindy realized that Sheen had to so something to rebut the points Nick had raised, and patience had never been one of her virtues in any case. "Will you get on with it?" she muttered, just loud enough for Sheen to hear.

"What?" he replied, also in a whisper.

"You're supposed to be cross-examining me! So start asking some questions!"

"Not a good idea," Sheen whispered in a conspiratorial tone. "That's exactly what they'd expect me to do."

Sheen's logic was insane, but not insane enough to work. "Of course they'd expect you to do that. It's what you're supposed to do. So get on with it!"

"But -"

The no-nonsense tone of Cindy's voice was unmistakable and quite familiar to Sheen. "Now!"

"Okay, okay," Sheen mumbled unhappily. "You're the boss." He sighed heavily, squared his shoulders, and cleared his throat before speaking normally again. "So," he said amiably, "how are you doing?"

Out of all the questions Cindy could have anticipated in this situation this was definitely not one. "Huh?"

"Answer the question!" Sheen barked, looking suddenly fierce.

"Fine…I guess," Cindy answered hesitantly.

"Oh, really?" Sheen's voice was thick with undisguised sarcasm. "Considering that you're on trial for crimes for which, if convicted, you will be undoubtedly expelled and very possibly brought up on criminal charges, I find that response most suspicious." He tapped the tips of his fingers together with studied deliberation. "Most suspicious, indeed."

Cindy couldn't believe what she was hearing and her voice nearly shook with anger. "Just what do you think you're doing?" she hissed. "Your job is to defend me!"

"I beg to differ," Sheen replied in an unusually calm voice. "My job to determine the truth, wherever that truth may lie or whom that truth may harm." His voice suddenly took on an edge as hard and sharp as a blade of tempered steel. "And I want that truth!"

"You want the truth?" Cindy snapped back. "You can't handle the truth! You can't even handle fraction arithmetic in math class!"

At Cindy's disparaging remark Sheen became defensive. "You don't think so? Well, even I can add some things up. Like how no one heard anyone take Miss Fowl's pen. It's pretty obvious that whoever took it was sitting in the front row. And guess who just happens to sit in the front row?" He pretended to think hard. "Oh, I know. It's you!"

"That doesn't mean anything!" Cindy protested. "So do other students. Even your girl friend Libby sits up front. Why don't you accuse her?" While the other students appeared shocked at Cindy's attack Libby looked stunned.

Sheen's voice again became sarcastic. "Oh, of course. Libby testifies against you so you immediately accuse her of the crime. Well, save the acting for Willoughby's next lame play, lady." Sheen stopped and looked thoughtful. "Which I understand is something about Hamlet under the sea."

"I never accused -" Cindy began to say.

"And she sits right next to you. I guess that would have made it easy for her to have pocketed Jimmy's gold from your desk without anyone noticing. Very convenient." He leaned forward. "How very convenient for you, indeed. Maybe…" He stopped and gave Cindy another suspicious look. "Maybe a little _too_ convenient."

"Anyone could have -" Cindy tried again.

"And I also suppose," Sheen continued, ignoring and interrupting Cindy's attempt to respond, "that she's the one who also planted those stolen items in your backpack as well. Maybe even when you two were so conveniently alone in the gym yesterday morning before school started."

Cindy looked startled. "What did you say?"

Sheen waved off her question. "Well, ha! And again, ha!" He turned stiffly and marched towards where the jurors were sitting, still expostulating. "Well, forget it, Vortex. Everyone knows that Libby is one of the most honest and ethical students at Lindbergh Elementary. To accuse or even suspect her of these heinous crimes is truly laughable." He paused briefly to laugh tonelessly to underscore his point. "And yet," he continued, swinging back to face Cindy again, "you expect anyone to accept or believe this flimsy tissue of speculation and conjecture as a believable defense?" He stopped, panting to regain his breath. "But, since it's the best we've got, I'll go with it," he decided. "No further questions."

"You may step down, Cindy," instructed Miss Fowl.

Cindy however, did not move. Instead, she gazed at Libby with a mixture of suspicion, wonder, and doubt. "It all fits," she said.

"I beg your pardon?" asked Miss Fowl.

"Sheen actually got it right. It all fits." Cindy stood slowly and walked towards Libby, who was staring back at her without any expression. "It would have been very easy for Libby to have taken that sample of gold from my desk when everyone moved to the front of the class. And just as easy to have taken Miss Fowl's pen without anyone hearing because her desk is only a few feet away and she wouldn't have had to pass by anyone."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Libby replied bleakly.

"And yesterday," Cindy went on, almost as if to herself. "Yesterday you called me to come to school early to do some aerobics. But the day before that you were the one who spotted Jimmy following us in the mall. You were the one who told me about it."

"That's right," Carl put in. "I remember Libby saying that yesterday morning."

"You weren't interested in exercising. You wanted to find out how much Jimmy suspected and followed him to school to find out. And when you realized that he was getting close to the truth, you decided you had to ditch the evidence by planting it in my book bag when we were in the gym. You practically twisted my arm to get me to go with you."

Sheen sounded awkward. "Well, to be fair, you could stand to lose a pound or -" Cindy's vicious glare cut him off and he swallowed hard. "I think I'll exercise my right to remain silent at this time."

Cindy turned her gaze back at Libby and shook her head in disbelief and wonder. "And when you did plant those things in my bag, you added your own bracelet…just so you could pretend later that it was stolen and further incriminate me."

Libby shrugged indifferently. "So you say."

Cindy's face was a mask of fury and hurt. "Why?" was all she could choke out. "Why would you do this? To Jimmy…to Miss Fowl…and to me? You're supposed to be my best friend." She was on the verge of tears. "_Why?_"

Libby leaned back in her seat, looking innocent. "I really don't understand you, Cindy. I can understand why you'd grasp at any straw, but to accuse me of doing something like this? It sounds like you're the one not acting like a best friend now."

"Everything adds up," Cindy told her. "It had to be you. Everyone has to see that now"

Libby yawned and smiled. "It's too bad you don't have any proof."

"No," a voice said. "But I do."

So absorbed had everyone been in Cindy and Libby's exchange that no one had noticed Jimmy's arrival. He had had heard most of what the girls had said and was standing in the doorway pulling behind him, of all things, a red wagon covered with a tarp. This he pulled into the classroom and left at the front of the room while he walked to join Cindy and Libby.

"Where have you been?" Cindy demanded.

Jimmy looked apologetic. "Sorry I'm late," he said. "But the trip back took longer than I thought it would. But it looks as though I got here in time."

"You said you had proof that it was Libby and not Cindy who took all those things?" Carl asked him.

"Yes," Jimmy replied, "and I'll get to that soon enough. But first, I think I need to explain some things. First of all, why Libby would do this sort of thing."

"I still can't believe that she would have," observed Miss Fowl.

"Exactly. It's something Libby would normally never do. And I blame myself for not realizing what was happening sooner. If I really was a genius I would have picked up on it much sooner. As hard as it is to believe, it was Carl who really had the key to the solution all along."

"I did?" Carl asked in surprise, and then quickly recovered. "I mean, yes, I did. I mean, I can't help…" His voice trailed off and he looked suddenly offended. "What do you it's hard to believe?"

"Later, Carl," Jimmy replied. "Do you remember what you said after Miss Fowl's pen disappeared?"

Carl thought and shook his head. "No."

Jimmy sighed. "You wondered why someone had waited until then to take it. I mean, Miss Fowl's had that pen for five years. If someone really wanted to take it, why wait until that day to take it? And on the same day my quasi-gold disappeared? That was the first clue. Something had changed. But I completely overlooked it. I also missed the second clue."

Cindy asked the obvious question. "And what was the second clue?"

Jimmy looked solemn. "Does anyone recall what Libby said when I passed around the quasi-gold?"

"She asked you if it was real gold," Sheen answered after a few seconds thought.

"Right," Jimmy nodded. "But it wasn't what she said. It was how she said it."

"How did she say it, Jimmy?" asked Miss Fowl.

"She called me 'Neutron'," Jimmy explained. "Cindy calls me that all the time, but not Libby. She almost always calls me 'Jimmy', especially to my face. It's normally in her character to respect people. The thefts and the change in Libby happening at the same time were too much of a coincidence. I should have picked up on that right away."

Sheen looked puzzled. "But you haven't said why Libby would have changed like that."

Jimmy nodded. "And that's my fault," he admitted. He reached into his pocked and extracted a small gadget. "Remember this?"

"Isn't that your hypno-thingie?" asked Carl, adjusting his glasses to get a clearer look.

"Exactly. I was tinkering with it that morning before school. When I put it into my pocket I accidentally activated it without realizing it. And that's when I implanted the hypno-suggestion that started all this. I said -"

"You said," Cindy completed for Jimmy, "that there was nothing wrong with being unethical. And that's what affected Libby!"

"But all five of us were there," Sheen objected. "How did you know that it was Libby and not one of us? Or all of us?"

"It couldn't be all of us," Jimmy replied. "The device works on a single frequency of alpha wave so only once person would have been affected. I knew it couldn't be me. When Miss Fowl's pen disappeared I knew it had to be someone in the front row, which eliminated Sheen. Then, when the quasi-gold turned up in Cindy's backpack I knew that it had to be Libby."

The class, as a whole, said, "Huh?"

"As I explained to the class," Jimmy clarified, "quasi-gold is unstable so that it will revert to its original form if subjected to radiation. What no one knew is that I irradiated Cindy that afternoon just after class was dismissed so that I could still track her just in case I lost sight of her. If she had taken the sample and had it in her bag, the radiation would have turned it back into lead. But it hadn't, so I knew that Cindy couldn't have had it. That meant it had to have been Libby."

"There's still no proof of that," pointed out Nick.

"Yeah," added Butch. "You're being a Libby-accusing bully without proof. And that's the worst kind!"

"As I said, there is proof," countered Jimmy. "The contents of this wagon are the proof."

Libby sneered. "And just what do you have in there to prove I'm guilty?" she asked as Jimmy walked over to the wagon.

"Absolutely nothing," Jimmy answered, to the puzzlement of everyone. He pulled the tarp off the top to reveal an assortment of gadgets. "Carl, Sheen, and Libby, could you please come here and take get the transmutor prototype I told you about over to Miss Fowl's desk?" Sheen and Carl obediently rose to rummage through the wagon's pile of odds and ends, but Libby looked suddenly stricken.

"Got it Jimmy," Carl announced, holding up the odd-looking contraption.

"No, you don't," Sheen contradicted him, brandishing another strange device that looked like an electric toothbrush with an old-fashioned TV antenna. "I do."

"That's not the thing Jimmy told me about," argued Carl. "This is it."

Sheen shook his head violently. "It is not. This is it!"

Before the argument could go on Jimmy interrupted them. "You're both right," he said. "Before I left I asked all three of you to keep an eye on my lab because I someone that I suspected of being the thief breaking in. I told Carl that I suspected Sheen, I told Sheen that I suspected Libby, and I told Libby that I suspected Carl. I also told each of you to keep an eye out for a specific device that I knew the thief wouldn't be able to resist. I was sure that they would steal it while I was away, and be smart enough to keep me from seeing who got into the lab. But I made sure to tell each of you that a different object was the transmutor prototype. As everyone can see, Carl and Sheen found the devices I told them about."

Everyone turned to face Libby, knowing what Jimmy would say next.

"But," Jimmy concluded, "The device I told Libby about isn't here. I know. I've checked. But Libby already knew that…because she took it. Isn't that right, Libby?"

Libby's face changed from fear to defiance. She leapt to her feet, drawing something from a side pocket and pointing it at Jimmy. "That's not all I took," she spat out. "Recognize this?"

"Leaping leptons!" Jimmy spluttered. "That's my shrink ray!"

Cindy looked puzzled. "How dangerous can that be?"

"Very dangerous," Jimmy cautioned. "It was on my workbench because I was tinkering with it. It can shrink things down to subatomic size now. If that happens, good luck on anyone ever finding whoever got shrunk!"

Sheen began walking towards Libby. "Back off, Doll Boy! Ain't nobody taking me in!" she warned him.

"Sheen! Stay ba-a-ack!" squawked Miss Fowl.

Sheen shook his head but slowed his advance slightly. "No way, Libby," he told her. "Maybe Jimmy's hypno controller thing made you do some things. But the Libby I know would never really hurt anyone."

"I'm warning you," Libby snarled. "Back off!"

"She means it, Sheen!" Cindy called out. "Don't get any closer!"

"You don't want to do this," Sheen insisted. "You didn't even really want to take those things. That's why you tried so hard to get caught. That's why you took the risk of someone seeing you take Miss Fowl's pen. That's why you tried to frame the most unlikely person of all as the thief. That's why you fell for Jimmy's trap. The real Libby is inside, fighting to get back out."

Libby's voice quavered and she gripped the shrink ray with her other hand in a vain attempt to stop the shaking. "I don't…I don't know what you're talking about."

Sheen was only a few paces away now. "I don't know about a lot of science stuff like Jimmy, or artsy stuff like Cindy…" he began.

"Or llama stuff like me," Carl piped up.

Sheen rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever, Carl. Anyway, one thing I do know is that hypnosis can't make people do anything they really don't want to do. You didn't want to steal. You didn't want to get away with it. And you don't want to hurt anyone…not even me. But if I'm wrong…" He took a deep breath. "Well, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take a genius like Jimmy to see that the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. I'd always believed that we had something special together, but if I'm wrong, well, then go ahead and shoot. If that's the kind of Libby that would be left in this world, you'd be doing me a favor." He stopped directly in front of her with the shrunk ray pushed into his chest.

In stark contrast to Sheen's almost serene calm, Libby appeared to be in utter torment. Her face twisted in uncertainty, changing from deadly intent to interminable indecision as her thumb hovered over the activator on the shrink ray. No longer able to endure the agony, her mind finally took the only recourse left to it. She fainted, falling into Sheen's waiting arms as the shrink ray dropped from her senseless fingers, a look of peace settling over her face as he held her to him.

"Case closed," he said softly as the class breathed a collective sigh of relief.

End of Chapter 12


	13. Epilogue: The Case of the Bogus Birder

The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Epilogue:

That afternoon Jimmy sat by himself on a bench in Retroville Mall, sadly reflecting on the shambles of his life. The revelations in the courtroom had cleared both Cindy and Libby of all blame, but had also placed the fault for the situation clearly on Jimmy.

"I should have known this was all your fault," Cindy had seethed. "Just another dopey Neutron invention gone wrong."

"Yeah, Neutron," Nick had agreed. "You nearly had people thinking that Sheen was cooler than me. That is so uncool."

Butch had smacked his fist into his palm and poined an accusing finger. "That's right, Neutron. You're a…you're a…well, I don't know what kind of bully that makes you, but it's the worst kind!"

"It _was_ pretty bad, Jimmy," Miss Fowl had clucked. "You're going to need to think about your inventions. I mean, not think about them. I mean…that is…" She had trailed off in confusion. "What were we talking about?"

"I know. I know. I'm sorry," Jimmy had sighed. "How many times have I told you that?"

"Not often enough," Cindy had snapped.

"But everything turned out okay," Jimmy had protested. "I've cancelled the command and Libby's fine now. Right?" He had turned to Libby for support.

"Actually, I'm with Cindy on this one," Libby had told him. "I mean, I know you don't intend to hurt anyone, but sometimes your ideas just don't fly the way you expect them to. And when they go down in flames, people below had better run for cover. Maybe it would be better if you didn't try thinking so much, sometimes."

"But it's what I do! I can't help thinking about these kinds of things. And sometimes, when you push the frontiers of science, there are always things that no one could anticipate."

Libby had shaken her head. "When I think about what I nearly did to poor Cindy…"

Cindy had also shaken her head in commiseration. "And how I actually thought how you were capable of something like that…" Without a further word she turned and hugged Libby tightly. "Forgotten?"

"So forgotten," Libby had agreed.

Cindy had smiled. "Great. Then let's get to the mall and pick up that pen for Miss Fowl."

Miss Fowl had smiled as well, as her eyes turned misty. "I can't believe that all you wonderful kids actually bought a pen for me when my other one was missing."

Cindy had give Jimmy a meaningful look as she replied, "Well, almost all of us." With that last shot Cindy and Libby had turned on their heels and marched off, leaving the other kids to drift away to their usual Saturday activities. Having nothing better to do Jimmy had also gone to the Mall, hoping to think of some way to apologize to Cndy and Libby. As he sat there deep in thought an excited voice roused him. "Hey, Jimmy!"

Jimmy looked up and saw Carl and Sheen approaching him. "Oh. Hi, Carl. Hey, Sheen. Aren't you ostracizing me, too?"

"Don't be silly, Jimmy," Sheen told him. "You're our best friend. Besides, everyone knows that ostracizes live in Aftrica. Is it true that one of their eggs can make an omelet big enough for twelve people?"

Carl broke in, unable to contain himself. "Forget that, Sheen. We have more important things to tell Jimmy. We solved the case!"

Jimmy's mind skipped a beat. "What case?"

"The Omnipedia Beige case, of course," Sheen answered. "We know why the giraffes couldn't have woken Mr. McDuff like he said they did."

This impressed Jimmy enough to bring him partly out of his funk. "Really? And why is that?"

"Because," Carl told him triumphantly, "although giraffes can make some noises, they can't make the loud screams that McDuff claimed woke him. Obviously he was lying to cover up the fact that he had accidentally started the fire himself."

"That's amazing!" Jimmy exclaimed. "And even more amazing, that's absolutely right. How did you figure it out?"

"Well, it was just like you said," replied Sheen. "The real clue was right there in front of us."

Carl vigorously nodded his head. "That's right. Right at the bottom of the page there was a note that said, 'See page 67 for solution'. So we did, and just like it said everything we needed to know was there."

Jimmy tried to figure out how to break the news to the two without dampening their high spirits. "Well, actually, guys…"

"And you know what else?" Sheen went on without noticing Jimmy's attempt to set him and Carl right. "We checked out every other story in that book and everyone one of them had the same kind of clue." He looked somewhat annoyed. "If you ask me that writer is really in a rut."

Jimmy gave up and gave the brightest smile he could as he gave a "thumb's up" sign with each hand. "Hey, that's great, guys. Well done." That said he turned his attention to the jewelry store where Cindy and Libby were picking up Miss Fowl's pen. As before, Rafael (if that was his real name) was there, but much to the girls' obvious annoyance seemed to be concentrating on an attractive young brunette much closer in age to himself. Curious, he moved to the store's doorway where he could hear what was going on.

"Oh, yes," the young lady was saying. "I'll be starting college next semester. I plan to study birds. I love birds."

"That is truly amazing," Rafael oozed as he wrapped a small box. "I'm also interested in bird-watching, Kimberly."

"Yeah, but what kind?" Libby muttered.

"I think baby birds are so cute," the girl (whose name was apparently Kimberly) went on. "Like the ugly duckling that was actually a baby swan."

"'Cygnet'," Rafael corrected just as Cindy mouthed the word in contempt.

Kimberly blinked. "I beg pardon?"

"Forgive me. I'm the president of the Retroville Ornithology Society and it distresses me greatly when people use the wrong terms about birds. A baby swan is called a cygnet."

"Oh, I am so sorry," Kimberly apologized. "I must seem like such a dunce."

"You sure do," Cindy grunted under her breath.

If Rafael heard he gave no sign as he carefully wrapped a length of ribbon around the package. "Not at all. I would be happy to spend time with you and discuss ornithology."

Kimberly looked confused. "You want to talk about teeth?"

Rafael laughed while Cindy rolled her eyes and Libby mimed putting a finger down her throat. "No, no. 'Ornithology' means the study of birds. There are many around here. Perhaps we could go birding together."

"Well…" Kimberly looked apprehensive. "I don't know…we hardly know each other." She paused, wavering. "What kind of birds?"

"The usual kinds – sparrows, jays, and so on. But I did see an extraordinarily large flock of crows roosting in the woods just east of town. And once I saw a bald eagle in the country about ten miles from here."

"Did you see a nest?"

"'Aerie', not 'nest'." Rafael looked sad. "No, I didn't, unfortunately. But a year ago, when I was in Alaska, I saw a group of eagles near one of the large lakes there. I'm sure that some of the eagles were nesting there. I only wish I had the time to take some pictures."

"I thought eagles lived alone."

Rafael shook his head. "If food is plentiful they gather together, sometimes."

"How fascinating!" gushed Kimberly.

"Yes." Rafael finished his gift-wrapping and handed the parcel to Cindy. "Thank you, Suzie. Please come again."

Cindy glared at him. "It's Cindy!"

"Oh, yes. Cindy. Please come again." He smiled thinly as he turned away and gave his full attention to Kimberly again. "So, would you be interested in spending some time next Saturday with me? Or would you prefer to have dinner sometime this week first so that you can get to know me better?"

Cindy and Libby turned and stalked away nearly running into Jimmy. "Jerk!" Cindy growled savagely. "All men are jerks!"

"Word that, girlfriend," answered Libby. "I just wish there were some way that Miss Teen Queen could see that."

Jimmy watched the two pass by and sighed before heading into the store. The two girls noticed this and turned to observe him, wondering what was going to happen. Jimmy approached Kimberly and waited for an opportune moment.

"Well…if you really are only interested in discussing birds…" Kimberly was saying thoughtfully.

"Miss?" Jimmy asked.

The young woman looked down. "Yes?"

"Excuse me, but there's something I think you should know." He beckoned to her and Kimberly leaned down so that Jimmy could whisper in her ear. As he spoke softly the expression on her face changed first from curiosity to indignation and then to anger. When he finished she straightened and slapped Rafael across the face.

"Jerk!" she spat, and then stormed from the store, leaving Rafael stunned and speechless. As he watched her go and then turned to Jimmy in confusion, wondering what had gone wrong with his plan, Jimmy simply shrugged at him and walked away. Cindy and Libby met him outside the store, joined by Carl and Sheen.

Sheen watched as Rafael rubbed his stinging cheek and gave a low whistle. "That's going to leave a mark," he commented.

"As happy as I am to see a lounge lizard like him get his come-uppance," Cindy told him, "why did you bother?"

Jimmy sounded nonchalant. "It's what I do."

"And what did you tell her?" Libby wanted to know, unable to conceal her delight.

"Just an observation," he replied. "When it comes to birding, Rafael's story just didn't fly."

See Below for Solution

THE END

Author's Notes:

Some readers have noted that many of my stories deal with Jimmy's inventions going wrong or the unfortunate circumstances that unfold being his fault. In most of the official episodes this seems to be the case. As Jimmy noted, when you push the frontiers of science you can't always know how everything will turn out. The thing that makes Jimmy exceptional is trying to set things right when things do go wrong as well as his amazing breakthroughs. It's what he does.

SOLUTION TO THE CASE OF THE BOGUS BIRDER

Rafael professed to being the president of the Retroville Ornithology Society and objecting to the use of incorrect terms when referring to birds. Yet in his story he referred to a "flock of crows" and a "group of eagles". A genuine birder would have correctly referred to them as a "murder of crows" and a "convocation of eagles". As a result Rafael's bird got away, and Cindy and Libby forgave Jimmy (after collecting his share for the cost of Miss Fowl's pen and a soda each at Sam's Candy Bar).


End file.
